"Ther wor noa offence intended;
But flaar shows wor aght o' place,
I'th' church whear saints attended.
An if his errin sister wished
To find her way to glory;
Shoo should'nt carry on her heead,
A whooal consarvatory."

Nah, Mary is'nt short o' pluck,--
Shoo jumpt up in a minnit,
Shoo lukt as if shoo'd swollo th' church,
An ivverybody in it.
"Parson," shoo sed, "yor heead is bare,--
Nowt in it an nowt on it;
Suppooas yo put some flaars thear,
Like theas 'at's in my bonnet."

Prime October.

Ther's some fowk like watter,
An others like beer;
It doesn't mich matter,
If ther heead is kept clear.
But to guzzle an swill,
As if aitin an drinkin
Wor all a chap lives for,
Is wrang to my thinkin.

Ivvery gooid thing i' life
Should be takken i' reason;
Even takkin a wife
Should be done i'th' reight season.
Tho' i' that case to give
Advice is noa use,
Aw should ne'er win fowk's thanks
But might get some abuse.

But if ther's a fault
'At we owt to luk ovver,
It's when a chap's tempted
Wi' "prime old October."
An to cheer up his spirits
As nowt else on earth could,
He keeps testin its merits,
An gets mooar nor he should.

Ov coorse he'll be blamed
If he gets ovver th' mark;
An noa daat he'll feel shamed
When he's throo wi' his lark.
An he'll promise "it nivver
Shall happen agean,"
Tho' he's feelin all th' time
Just as dry as a bean.

But who can resist,
When it sparkles an shines;
An his nooas gets a whif
At's mooar fragrant nor wines?
Aw'd forgie a teetotaller
At sich times, if he fell;--
For aw know ha it is,
'Coss aw've been thear mysel.

Old Dave to th' New Parson.

"Soa, yo're th' new parson, are yo?
Well, awm fain to see yo've come;
Yo'll feel a trifle strange at furst,
But mak yorsen at hooam.

Aw hooap yo'll think nor war o' me,
If aw tell what's in mi noddle,
Remember, if we dooant agree,
It's but an old man's twaddle.

But aw might happen drop a hint,
'At may start yo to thinkin;
Awd help yo if aw saw mi way,
An do it too, like winkin.

Awm net mich up o' parsons,--
Ther's some daycent ens aw know;
They're smart enuff at praichin,
But at practice they're too slow.

For dooin gooid nooan can deny
Ther chonces are mooast ample;
If they'd give us fewer precepts,
An rayther moor example.

We need a friend to help waik sheep,
Oe'r life's rough ru