. One old Porsslanese official was standing
there, a high mandarin of some sort, and he had an emerald necklace
around his neck. Some diplomat or other walked up to him and quietly
took it off, and the old man didn't stir, but the tears were rolling
down his cheeks."

"He had no right to complain," said Sam. "We clearly have the right to
the contents of a conquered city by the rules of war."

"Perhaps. But there are some curious war rules. Some of the armies
shoot all natives in soldiers' uniforms because they are soldiers, and
then they shoot all natives who resist them in civil dress, because
they are not soldiers and have no right to fight. I suppose they ought
to go about naked. They used to kill their prisoners with the butt-end
of their rifles, but that breaks the rifles, and now they generally use
the bayonet."

"Here are some newspapers," said he on another occasion. "You've been
made a brigadier for capturing Gomaldo. Isn't that great? But they
_will_ call you 'Captain Jinks' at home, no matter what your rank is.
The papers say so. The song has made it stick."

"I'm sorry for that," said Sam. "It would be pleasanter to be called
'General.'"

"It's all the same," said Cleary. "Wasn't Napoleon called the Little
Corporal? It's really more distinguished."

"Perhaps it is," said Sam contentedly.

"Some of the papers criticize us a little too," added Cleary. "They say
we are acting brutally here and in the Cubapines. Of course only a few
say it, but their number is increasing."

"They make themselves ridiculous," said Sam. "They don't see how
ludicrous their suggestions are that we should actually retire and let
these countries relapse into barbarism. As that fellow said at Havilla,
they have no sense of humor."

"And yet," retorted Cleary, "our greatest humorists, Mark Swain, Mr.
Tooley, and the best cartoonists, and our only really humorous paper,
_Knife_, are on that side."

"But they are only humorists," cried Sam, "mere professional jokers.
You can't expect serious sense from them. They are mere buffoons. The
serious people here, such as Dr. Amen, are with us to a man."

"I saw old Amen get caught the other day," said Cleary. "I was
interviewing the colonel of the 15th, and in came Amen and began
talking about the Porsslanese--what barbarians they were, no religion,
no belief, no faith. Why, the idea of self-sacrifice was utterly
unknown to them! Just then in