this being called upon to speak, I feel a great sympathy with that
woman in Ireland who had had something of a field-day on hand. She began
by knocking down two somewhat unpopular agents of her absentee landlord,
and was seen, later in the day, dancing a jig on the stomach of the
prostrate form of the Presbyterian minister. One of her friends admired
her prowess in this direction and invited her in, and gave her a good
stiff glass of whiskey. Her friend said, "Shall I pour some water in
your whiskey?" and the woman replied, "For God's sake, haven't I had
trouble enough already to-day?" [Laughter.]

I am a little at a loss still to know how I got into this company
to-night. I begin to feel like some of those United States Senators who,
after they have reached Washington, look around and wonder how they got
there. The nearest approach to being decorated with a sufficiently
aristocratic epithet to make me worthy of admission to this Society was
when I used to visit outside of my native State and be called a
"Pennsylvania Dutchman." But history tells us that at the beginning of
the Revolution there was a battle fought at Breed's Hill, and it was
called the Battle of Bunker Hill, because it was not fought there; and I
suppose I have been brought into this Dutch Society to-night because I
am not a Dutchman. [Laughter.]

I have great admiration for these Dutchmen; they always get to the
front. When they appear in New York they are always invited to seats on
the roof; when they go into an orchestra, they are always given one of
the big fiddles to play; and when they march in a procession, they are
always sure to get a little ahead of the band. This Society differs
materially from other so-called foreign societies. When we meet the
English, we invariably refer to the common stock from which we sprang,
but in the Dutch Society the stock is always preferred! and when a
Dutchman dies, why, his funeral is like that funeral of Abel, who was
killed by his brother Cain--no one is allowed to attend unless he
belongs to a first family. [Laughter.]

Now, a Dutchman is only happy when he gets a "Van" attached to the front
of his name, and a "dam" to the rear end of the city from which his
ancestors came. I notice they are all very particular about the "dam."
[Laughter.]

There was a lady--a New York young lady--who had been spending several
years in England and had just returned. She had posed awhile as a
professional beauty. Then she