rself to turn round and
tell one you have so blessed with your bounty that there was a
mistake, and you meant only half that largess? If you are not sensible
that you _do_ make me most happy by such letters, and do not warm in
the reflection of your own rays, then I _do_ give up indeed the last
chance of procuring _you_ happiness. My own 'ought,' which you object
to, shall be withdrawn--being only a pure bit of selfishness; I felt,
in missing the letter of yours, next day, that I _might_ have drawn it
down by one of mine,--if I had begged never so gently, the gold would
have fallen--_there_ was my omitted duty to myself which you properly
blame. I should stand silently and wait and be sure of the
ever-remembering goodness.

Let me count my gold now--and rub off any speck that stays the full
shining. First--_that thought_ ... I told you; I pray you, pray you,
sweet--never that again--or what leads never so remotely or indirectly
to it! On _your own fancied ground_, the fulfilment would be of
necessity fraught with every woe that can fall in this life. I am
yours for ever--if you are not _here_, with me--what then? Say, you
take all of yourself away but just enough to live on; then, _that_
defeats every kind purpose ... as if you cut away all the ground from
my feet but so much as serves for bare standing room ... why still, I
_stand_ there--and is it the better that I have no broader space,
when off _that_ you cannot force me? I have your memory, the knowledge
of you, the idea of you printed into my heart and brain,--on that, I
can live my life--but it is for you, the dear, utterly generous
creature I know you, to give me more and more beyond mere life--to
extend life and deepen it--as you do, and will do. Oh, _how_ I love
you when I think of the entire truthfulness of your generosity to
me--how, meaning and willing to _give_, you gave _nobly_! Do you think
I have not seen in this world how women who _do_ love will manage to
confer that gift on occasion? And shall I allow myself to fancy how
much alloy such pure gold as _your_ love would have rendered
endurable? Yet it came, virgin ore, to complete my fortune! And what
but this makes me confident and happy? _Can_ I take a lesson by your
fancies, and begin frightening myself with saying ... 'But if she saw
all the world--the worthier, better men there ... those who would' &c.
&c. No, I think of the great, dear _gift_ that it was; how I '_won_'
NOTHING (the hateful word,