have I said about 'kindness'? I did not mean
any harm--no, indeed! And as to thinking ... as to having ever
thought, that you could 'imitate' (can this word be 'imitate'?) an
unfelt feeling or a feeling unsupposed to be felt ... I may solemnly
assure you that I never, never did so. 'Get up'--'imitate'!! But it
was the contrary ... _all_ the contrary! From the beginning, now _did_
I not believe you too much? Did I not believe you even in your
contradiction of yourself ... in your _yes_ and _no_ on the same
subject, ... and take the world to be turning round backwards and
myself to have been shut up here till I grew mad, ... rather than
disbelieve you either way? Well!--You know it as well as I can tell
you, and I will not, any more. If I have been 'wrong,' it was not _so_
... nor indeed _then_ ... it is not _so_, though it is _now_, perhaps.

Therefore ... but wait! I never gave away what you ask me to give
_you_, to a human being, except my nearest relatives and once or twice
or thrice to female friends, ... never, though reproached for it; and
it is just three weeks since I said last to an asker that I was 'too
great a prude for such a thing'! it was best to anticipate the
accusation!--And, prude or not, I could not--I never
could--_something_ would not let me. And now ... what am I to do ...
'for my own sake and not yours?' Should you have it, or not? Why I
suppose ... _yes_. I suppose that 'for my own sense of justice and in
order to show that I was wrong' (which is wrong--you wrote a wrong
word there ... 'right,' you meant!) 'to show that I was _right_ and am
no longer so,' ... I suppose you must have it, 'Oh, _You_,' ... who
have your way in everything! Which does not mean ... Oh, vous, qui
avez toujours raison--far from it.

Also ... which does not mean that I shall give you what you ask for,
_to-morrow_,--because I shall not--and one of my conditions is (with
others to follow) that _not a word be said to-morrow_, you understand.
Some day I will send it perhaps ... as you _knew_ I should ... ah, as
you knew I should ... notwithstanding that 'getting up' ... that
'imitation' ... of humility: as you knew _too_ well I should!

Only I will not teaze you as I might perhaps; and now that your
headache has begun again--the headache again: the worse than headache!
See what good my wishes do! And try to understand that if I speak of
my being 'wrong' now in relation to you ... of my being right before,
and wrong now, ...