d yet I will persist in saying through good and
bad opportunities that I never did 'give cause' as you say, to your
being 'suspicious of my suspiciousness' as I believe I said before. I
deny my 'suspiciousness' altogether--it is not one of my faults. Nor
is it quite my fault that you and I should always be quarrelling about
over-appreciations and under-appreciations--and after all I have no
interest nor wish, I do assure you, to depreciate myself--and you are
not to think that I have the remotest claim to the Monthyon prize for
good deeds in the way of modesty of self-estimation. Only when I know
you better, as you talk of ... and when _you_ know _me_ too well, ...
the right and the wrong of these conclusions will appear in a fuller
light than ever so much arguing can produce now. Is it unkindly
written of me? _no_--I _feel_ it is not!--and that 'now and ever we
are friends,' (just as you think) _I_ think besides and am happy in
thinking so, and could not be distrustful of you if I tried. So may
God bless you, my ever dear friend--and mind to forget the 'Duchess'
and to remember every good counsel!--Not that I do particularly
confide in the medical oracles. They never did much more for _me_
than, when my pulse was above a hundred and forty with fever, to give
me digitalis to make me weak--and, when I could not move without
fainting (with weakness), to give me quinine to make me feverish
again. Yes--and they could tell from the stethoscope, how very little
was really wrong in me ... if it were not on a vital organ--and how I
should certainly live ... if I didn't die sooner. But then, nothing
_has_ power over affections of the chest, except God and his
winds--and I do hope that an obvious quick remedy may be found for
your head. But _do_ give up the writing and all that does harm!--

Ever yours, my dear friend,

E.B.B.

Miss Mitford talked of spending Wednesday with me--and I have put it
off to Thursday:--and if you should hear from Mr. Chorley that he is
coming to see _her and me together on any day_, do understand that it
was entirely her proposition and not mine, and that certainly it won't
be acceded to, as far as _I_ am concerned; as I have explained to her
finally. I have been vexed about it--but she can see him down-stairs
as she has done before--and if she calls me perverse and capricious
(which she will do) I shall stop the reflection by tha