was his fault, is going to hand
over to the club, or know the reason why."

I said I would know the reason why. Whereupon a long Socratic argument
ensued.

"Do you mean to say it wasn't your fault?" demanded Langrish.

"I couldn't tell Jarman would drop his cigar down."

"But if you'd tried you couldn't have stuck him in a better place."

"That's what I thought. What have you got to growl at?"

"You offered to put it in a safe place."

"No, I didn't. I didn't want to have it at all."

"But you did have it; you can't deny that."

"No--but--"

"Hold on. And you stuck it there under the grating."

"Well, and if I did--"

"And that's how Jarman's cigar got on to it."

"Yes--but--"

"And that's how it blew up, wasn't it? You haven't the cheek to say
that wasn't the way it blew up?"

"Of course it was; only--"

"Therefore, if you hadn't stuck it there it wouldn't have blown up. You
can't deny that?"

"I don't say that. What I say--"

"Therefore, it was you who blew it up; and it's you've got to pay for
the fireworks, Q.E.D.; and if you don't shut up, young Sarah, you'll get
your face washed."

I felt I was the victim of a very one-sided argument, but the popular
verdict was so manifestly in favour of the secretary, that I was
constrained to allow the point to pass.

"--reason why," resumed Langrish. "There was a bit of a row, and the
doctor and some of the chaps were had up before the beak. We got on all
serene till a howling chimpanzee whose name is Sarah--"

"There you are again," said I. "I'll pay you now."

"What are you talking about? I never mentioned you--did I, you chaps?"

"Rather not," chimed in the Philosophers assembled.

"Of course," said Langrish, "if whenever you hear of a howling
chimpanzee you think you're being referred to, we can't help it, can
we?"

The cheers which greeted this unanswerable proposition convinced me I
had given myself away for once.

"--howling chimpanzee, whose name's Sarah, put in his oar and spoilt the
whole thing."

"If it hadn't been for me," protested I, "you'd none of you have been
there at all."

"The magistrate," proceeded Langrish, not heeding the interruption,
"treated him with the contempt he deserved, and gave him a caution which
he'll remember to the end of his days."

"I don't remember it now," I growled.

"Turn him out for interrupting," shouted the secretary.

"You'd better not try," snarled I, preparing to contest my s