OUR OPENING (SUN) DAY!

_Emancipated Blue-Ribboned British Workman loquitur_:--

Yesh, HARRY LAWSHUN mosh entirely righ'!
WILFRIDSH mush blesh his nameshake! Had a frigh'
Only lash Shundaysh. Fanshied I saw snakesh.
Frigh'ful to watch 'em wrigglung, when one wakesh
Over the quilterpane--I mean counterquilt.
Liqnorsh are lovely, when you're that waysh built;
But snakesh ish pizen! So ish liquorsh, too--
Leastwaysh, so WILFRIDSH LAWSHON and hish crew
Alwaysh declaresh! No matter! Nash'ral Museum,
Mush better than the Jim-Jamsh! Eugh! I shee 'em!
All eyesh and limbsh, all twists, and twirls, and twiddles;
Tails like long corkscrewsh, gogglesh in their middles;
Big headsh, and bony bodysh--frigh'fully frisky!
Fancy sush things living in Irish Whishky,
Like animalcu--what's it? in--_hic_--water!
No matter! I've sworn offsh! POLLY, my daughter,
Made me Good Templarsh! No more horrorsh now!
To Heaven's broad blue vault I lift my brow,
A shober Br--Bri'sh Workman! So old DUMPER,
The lecturer, putsh it. He'sh a rare tub-thumper!
Itsh Easter Shunday, and I am not tigh'!
Bri'sh Workman--Nash'ral Museum! Thatsh or'righ'.
Feelsh bit unsteady! That dashed ginger-beer
Gassysh--go i' my head an' makesh me queer!
One nipsh!--no, no! won't do! Wherream I? Lor!
Strai' on, the plishman says, through tha' there door.
Doorsh blesshed wide, and these 'ere big shop-cases
With bitsh o' stone and beedlesh!--Yah! Thosh faces!
Thosh eyesh, thosh limbsh, thosh bodysh, big and bony!
Thosh wrigglewigglements! I'll bet a pony
_Thish_ ish no Nash'ral Museum--Nash--_hic_--ral Hishtory!
Look at 'em! _Look_ at 'em!! Oh, hersh a mystery!
POLLYSH,--where are yer? Where'sh that blesshed bottle?
I'vesh got a peck o' March dust down my throttle.
Give ush that gin--ger beersh, o' course, I mean.
Look, POLLY!--shee that creature long and lean,
Crawling towardsh us! Jim-Jamsh are not in it
With thish 'ere Bri's'h Museum! Wai' a minute!
Where am I? Whersh tha' girl? Can't read this lingo!
"Mega--" It moves! _Got 'em again, by Jingo!!!_

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[Illustration: AN EASTER OBJECT LESSON.

(_At the Natural History Museum._)

_Visitor_. "HULLO! I SAY, I'VE GOT 'EM AGIN! GI' ME THE BLUE RIBBON!"]

* * * * *

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

_March 10_.--It has come at last, and I'm free to confess I don't