in
America--"

"Oh! d--n your war in America!" roared the sentry, levelling his
rifle full at me.

There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his
native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me
which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I
reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I
would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might
cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue.
Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning
to him, spoke thus:

"Rash, impetuous man--"

L A T E R.

Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHBURNE, I have
just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of
incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns toward
the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy
in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who
regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself

Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK TINTO.

* * * * *

A Toothsome Con.

Why should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all
draw.

* * * * *

NEWSPAPER PERILS.

The local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following:

"On Wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony
railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised
up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was
struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car.
He wan saved from rolling to the track by TIMOTHY LEE, a paper boy who
was upon the train."

We are sorry for ELLIS. But he ought to be thankful for one thing,--he
has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DICKINSON: "Why was I born?"
It is all settled that he was "raised up" for the purpose of throwing
off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt
he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved
Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless,
PUNCHINELLO suggests that THOMAS devote himself to "throwing off"
editorial articles for the Sun,

It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE so promptly to come to the rescue.
But,--hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are
there not grounds for suspecting this "paper boy" to have been me