s was so, for fear she
might think me ungrateful to herself, besides which I knew she did not
like the idea of my being too friendly with foreigners. So I explained
to Her Majesty that I always did regret losing old friends but that I
would get used to the change very soon. Her Majesty was very nice about
it and said she wished that she was a little more sentimental over such
small things, but that when I got to her age I should be able to take
things more philosophically.

After Miss Carl had left the Court, Her Majesty asked me one day: "Did
she ever ask you much about the Boxer movement of 1900?" I told her that
I knew very little of the Boxer movement myself, as I was in Paris at
the time and I could not say very much. I assured her that the lady
artist never mentioned the subject to me. Her Majesty said: "I hate to
mention about that affair and I would not like to have foreigners ask my
people questions on that subject. Do you know, I have often thought that
I am the most clever woman that ever lived and others cannot compare
with me. Although I have heard much about Queen Victoria and read a part
of her life which someone has translated into Chinese, still I don't
think her life was half so interesting and eventful as mine. My life is
not finished yet and no one knows what is going to happen in the future.
I may surprise the foreigners some day with something extraordinary and
do something quite contrary to anything I have yet done. England is one
of great powers of the world, but this has not been brought about by
Queen Victoria's absolute rule. She had the able men of parliament back
of her at all times and of course they discussed everything until the
best result was obtained, then she would sign the necessary documents
and really had nothing to say about the policy of the country. Now look
at me. I have 400,000,000 people, all dependent on my judgment. Although
I have the Grand Council to consult with, they only look after the
different appointments, but anything of an important nature I must
decide myself. What does the Emperor know? I have been very successful
so far, but I never dreamt that the Boxer movement would end with such
serious results for China. That is the only mistake I have made in
my life. I should have issued an Edict at once to stop the Boxers
practising their belief, but both Prince Tuan and Duke Lan told me that
they firmly believed the Boxers were sent by Heaven to enable China
to get rid