HOFFMAN LIGHT.]

* * * * *

A New Pierian Spring.

The Principal of the "Student's Home," at V------, N.Y., advertising
the advantages of his school, makes the following telling appeal, which
we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere
with digestion.

"COME TO V------. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and its
Seminary the mind."

The hope of eventually leaving those classic shades in such a state of
two-fold invigoration, should prove inspiring to the dyspeptic and
studious.

Whether this constant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be
the true secret of longevity as well as of scholarship, we know not; we
should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of students
in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned
process would be more certain of turning out the real article.

* * * * *

Spare Us!

Nor only is everybody's attention directed towards Paris, but the
English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public
estimation. They have been picking away so vigorously, since they were
brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way
across Broadway, in the muddiest weather. In course of time, we suppose
the worms will disappear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing
else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Come, arouse then, friends
of the sparrow! Fetch out your bread and your grain, and fear not that
these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city.

* * * * *

A Gourd of Honor(!)

The latest, and most important news from Spain is that SICKLES has been
furnished with a guard by the government.

Some things are managed better in Spain than in this country. SICKLES
should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him
out of mischief.

* * * * *

"Carpe Diem."

The following telegraphic item is a remarkable instance of the exactness
with which news can be transmitted by the submarine cable:

"LONDON, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, member of Parliament for
Hackney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill
Fields. The monument in practically one to ROBINSON CRUSOE."

With the triffing exception of calling ROBINSON DEFOE ALEXANDER DEFOE,
(and that is a pardonable error, considering that ALEXANDER SELKIRK was
t