new shirt once every three
years--to give him exercise and keep him clean--a hat once in every
seven, and brogues whenever he can get them. His coat and breeches--lest
he might grow too independent--must be worn upon the principle of the
Highlander's knife, which, although a century in the family, was never
changed, except sometimes the handle and sometimes the blade. Let his
right to vote be founded upon a freehold property of six feet square, or
as much as may be encompassed by his own shift, and take care that there
be a gooseberry bush in the centre of it; he must have from four to
ten children, as a proof of his standing in society, all fashionably
dressed, and coming at the rate of one every twelve months. Having thus,
by a liberal system of feeding and clothing, rendered him strong for
labor, you must work him from dark to dark--pay him fourpence a day for
three quarters of the year, with permission to beg or starve for the
remainder. When in health task him beyond his strength, and when
sick neglect him--for there is nothing so beautiful as kindness in a
landlord, and gratitude in a tenant--and thus will your virtues become
reciprocal. He must live under a gradation of six landlords, so that
whoever defaults, he may suffer--and he will have the advantage of six
tyrants instead of one. Your agent is to wheedle, and your bailiff to
bully him; the one must promise, and the other threaten; but if both
fail, you must try him yourself. Should he become intractable under all
this, you must take purer measures.--Compliment him on his wife--praise
and admire his children--play upon his affections, and corrupt him
through his very virtues--for that will show that you love your country
and her people better than your own interests. Place a promise of
independence on one side of him, but a ruined cottage and extermination
on the other. When all his scruples are thus honorably overcome, and his
conscience skilfully removed, take him for twenty minutes or so out of
his rags, put him into a voting suit that he may avoid suspicion, bring
him up to the poll--steep him in the strongest perjury, then strip him
of his voting suit, clap him into his rags, and having thus fitted him
for the perpetration of any treachery or crime, set him at large
once more, that he may disseminate your own principles upon your
own property, until you may require him again. Having thus honestly
discharged your duty to God and your country, go calmly to