Alack and alas! But the new _Mrs. Bond_
Means mischief, we fear, with her kind "Dilly, Dilly!"
And well may the Turtles droop fins and despond.
When the snug isolation of which they're so fond,
They must part with at last, willy-nilly!

* * * * *

WAGES.

(_A long way after Lord Tennyson._)

["Lord WOLMER ... pointed out that Mr. GLADSTONE'S majority of forty
would be wiped out if the 'paid mercenaries' of the Irish-American
factions were withdrawn, or were even unable to keep up a steady
attendance in the House of Commons."--_The Times._

"The proposed Bill to Provide for the Payment of Members of Parliament
... is a bold attempt to transfer to the tax-payers of Great Britain
the burden of supporting at Westminster the Irish Nationalist
Members."--_Ibid._]

Glory of Irishman, glory of orator, going it strong,
Paid by his countrymen's mites from across the Atlantic Sea--
Glory of PAT, to spout, to struggle, right Ireland's old wrong!
Nay, but they aim not at glory, or Home Rule (swears WOLMER, swears
he):
Give 'em the glory of living on _us_ and our L. S. D.!

The wages of swells are high; if high wage to a Minister's just.
Shall we have the heart low wages to hard-worked M.P.'s to deny?
_Mercenaries?_ What then are those toffs in high places of trust,
Who live on our golden largess? Will WOLMER inform us just why
We _may_ give wages to Wealth, and _not_ unto Poverty?

* * * * *

"Down Among the Dead Men."

_Ebriosus loquitur_:--

Silly spook-hunters show a wish to learn
If (_hic!_) departed spiritsh e'er return!
_Did_ they, I should not have so dry a throttle,
Nor would it cost so mush to--passh the bottle!
Thersh no returning (_hic!_) of Spiritsh fled,
And (_hic!_) "dead men"--_worsh luck!_--continue dead!

* * * * *

WANTED BADLY.--A "close time" for Autograph-hunting. Alas! the great--and
even the not-so-very-great--are "made game of" all the year round.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PUTTING IT PLEASANTLY!

COUNTY COUNCIL COOK. "DILLY, DILLY, DILLY! COME AND BE--_AMALGAMATED_!!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A TRUSTY KNIGHT.

_Tommy_ (_who has undertaken to escort his fair Cousin to see the Hounds
draw Covert_), "AND YOU KNOW YOU