said, "you have your little holiday, Saturday to Monday, and get
out to dinner on off-nights?"

"No," he sighed, "the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE has no off-nights; and if I
go to church at the seaside on a Sunday, the Church-warden in passing round
the collection-plate, is sure to steal into my hand a telegram, announcing
a fresh outbreak of tuberculosis. As to going out to dinner----"

[Illustration: Harry'd H-rry Ch-pl-n, as he appeared when meditating on
Bimetallistic and Agricultural Distress.]

"Ministers," CAUSTON here observed, "never dine out when the House is
sitting, unless commanded by the QUEEN, and Whips can't be spared even to
dine with HER MAJESTY."

"As to going out to dinner," continued the GRAND YOUNG GARDNER, ignoring
the interruption of his genial colleague, "it is impossible. It was said, I
believe by one of themselves, 'The Guard dies, but never surrenders.' I may
add, the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE lunches but never dines. What would
become of the Government if a division-bell rang and he was found out of
the way? Now to-night, you would say, looking at the business, I might well
be spared. We commence with KIMBER on disparities in the representation of
constituencies. ROLLIT will follow in the interests of undersized
flat-fish. What has the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE to do with flat-fish of
whatever size? you might ask. To the casual observer, nothing. But, looking
ahead, as the responsibilities of my position make it necessary I should
habitually do, I recall the fact that sometimes the placid pilchard is cast
upon our shores in such quantities as to be carted away for manurial
purposes. I am not intimately acquainted with the pilchard. It is not like
the terrapin a land fish. I am not sure it is flat. Still I have a strong
impression it is undersized. Therefore it might come within the purview of
the discussion on ROLLIT'S motion. MUNDELLA, as you say, is in charge of
the debate, and I might comfortably go to dinner. But what does MUNDELLA
know of manure? No; the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE remains, and will
dine,--if necessary die, at his post."

_Business done._--8:10 P.M., House Counted Out, whilst GRAND YOUNG GARDNER
is explaining how it was he couldn't go out to dinner.

[Illustration: "THE WESTMINSTER PLAY."

_Young Grandolphus_ (_in costume, with appropriate action_). "Haec recinunt
Juvenes dictata senesque!"]

_Friday_, 12:30 A.M.--Storm subsided. Magnificent whilst it lasted.
GRANDOLPH