eminence commanding the entire plain. At the foot of this
hill, Colonel Slorkey drew up his troops in line of battle, his left
wing protected by an impassable frog pond, and his right resting on a
large piggery, whose extent prevented the enemy from turning his flank
in that direction.

On the descent of an opposing eminence, likewise strengthened by two
guns, Major Ryely placed the Hardscrabble Guards, the Sheet Iron
Riflemen, the Mudhollow Invincibles, the Dandelion Fireeaters, and the
Scrufftown Sharpshooters. A thousand bright eyes, from the commanding
eminences, looked down on the serried ranks of bayonets, the
brazen-throated artillery, the panoplied plough horses, the plumed
commanders, the rustling banners, and all the "pomp, pride, and
circumstance of glorious war."

Preliminaries being thus settled, the commanding officers put spurs to
their horses, and met in the centre of the plain, there saluting with
their scythe-blade swords.

"Major Ryely," said the colonel, rising in his stirrups, "the
follerin' are the odder of pufformances: we open with eour
artillery--you reply with yourn. Under kiver of eour guns we advance
to the attack. You do the same to meet us--firin' like smoke. Arter a
sharp scrimmedge you retire--send us a flag of truce with terms--and
finally lay down your arms."

The major bowed till his ostrich feather touched the mane of his
wall-eyed plough horse, then turned bridle, and regained his ranks at
a gait something between a stumble and a rack. The representative of
General Washington rejoined his men at a hard trot, rising two feet
from his saddle at every concussion of his bony steed.

"Fellur sogers!" roared the temporary father of his country; "yonder
stands Cornwallis and his redcoats--only they haint got red coats,
partickerlarly them in blue swaller-tails. We air bound to lick
'em--hurrah for our side! Go inter 'em like a thousand of bricks
fallin' off 'n a slated rufe. The genius of Ammerikin liberty, in the
shape of the carnivorous eagle, soarin' aloft on diluted pillions,
seems to mutter _E Pluribus Unum_--we are one of 'em! Hail Columby
happy land! Sing Yankee Doodle that fine tune--cry havock! and let
looset the dogs of war."

Then commenced the horror of the sham fight. The continental guns
opened in thunder tones. The British artillery hurled back their
terrific echoes. Bang! bang! boom! boom! The canopy of heaven was
stained with the sulphurous smoke. The drummers rattl