r of triumph.

"Am I right?" said he.

"Perfectly, young man," replied Miss Verjuice; "only, when my nephew
married, I assumed all his debts; and I am now ready myself to pay
your claim."

"Fairly trapped, by Jupiter!" exclaimed Scatterly, in an ecstasy of
delight.

"Stop, stop!" cried the unhappy gardener, recoiling from the withered
face, bearded lip, and sharp nose of the ancient spinster; "I
relinquish my claim--I'll write a receipt in full."

"No, sir," said Scatterly; "you pressed me for payment this
moment--and you shall take your pay, or I discharge you from my
employ."

"I am ready," said the spinster, meekly.

Tom shuddered--crawled up to the old lady--shut his eyes--made up a
horrible face, and kissed her, while Mr. and Mrs. S. stood by,
convulsed with laughter.

Five minutes afterwards, Tom entered the gardener's lodge, pale, weak,
and trembling, and sank into a chair.

"Give me a glass of water, Phebe!" he gasped.

"Dear, what has happened?" asked the little woman.

"Happened! why that cussed Miss Verjuice is paying Mr. Scatterly's
debts."

"Well?"

"Well, I presented my promissory note--he handed it to
her--and--and--O murder!--_I've been kissing the old woman!_"

Phebe threw her arms about his neck, and pressed her lips to his, and
Thomas Mayflower then and there solemnly promised that he would
nevermore have any thing to do with KISSES ON DEMAND!

THE RIFLE SHOT.

A MADMAN'S CONFESSION.

It is midnight. The stealthy step of the restless maniac is no longer
heard in the long, cheerless corridors; the ravings of the incurable
cannot penetrate the deep walls of the cells in which their despair is
immured; even the guardians of the establishment are asleep. Without,
what silence! The branches of the immemorial trees hang pendulous and
motionless; the last railway train, with its monster eyes of light,
has thundered by. The neighboring city seems like one vast mausoleum,
over which the silent stars are keeping watch and ward, and weeping
silvery dew like angels' tears. Only crime and despair are sleepless.

To my task. They allow me a lamp. They are not afraid that the
_madman_ will fire his living tomb and perish in the ruins. Wise men
of science! Cunning readers of the human heart, your decrees are
infallible. I am mad. But perhaps some eager individual whose eyes
shall rest upon these pages will pronounce a different sentence;
perhaps he may know how to distinguish _crime_