of making
vegetable alcohol undrinkable without impairing its usefulness. It looks as
if the secret of Government ale must have leaked out at last.

* * *

We are in a position to deny a report which was being spread in connection
with a certain Model Village scheme, to the effect that the model
bricklayer had refused to perform unless he was provided with a model
public-house, while the model public-house could not be provided until the
model bricklayer started work.

* * *

Bonnet strings, says a fashion paper, will be worn by _debutantes_ this
summer. Apron strings, we gather, will continue to be unfashionable with
our flappers.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _British Museum Official._ "NO, YOU CAN'T GET INTO THE MUMMY
GALLERY. THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARE STILL THERE."

_Rustic._ "WHAT! AIN'T THEY SORTED 'EM OUT YET?"]

* * * * *

ON THE ITALIAN RIVIERA.

ENGLAND TO HER FRANCE.

This is a joyous trysting-place, my love,
With no inconstant climate to distract us;
Pure azure is the sky that laughs above
These admirable bowers of prickly cactus,
Where we may nestle, conjugating _amo_
(Dear old San Remo!).

We've had our difference, as lovers do;
A slight misunderstanding came between us;
But that is past; the sky (I said) is blue
And this the very sea that nurtured Venus;
Come, like her doves amid the groves of myrtle--
Come, let us turtle.

"How can they ever kiss again?" 'twas said;
But Love made light of that absurd conundrum;
And lo! your breast is pillow to my head,
And we've a pair of hearts that beat as one drum;
Our bonds, if anything, are even more
Tight than before.

Your independence caused a passing pain,
But now, I thank you, I am feeling better;
You'll never go upon your own again
Nor I will write another nasty letter;
Embrace me, then, for sign of love's renewal,
_Mon bijou_ (jewel).

O.S.

* * * * *

THE IDENTIFICATION OF HOBBS.

Old Hobbs, the gardener, has been in our family longer than I have.
Although we live within twenty miles of London only once has he made the
journey to the great city, for that one memorable day so nearly ended in
disaster that he always speaks of it with a shudder. Indeed, but for the
arrival of Mrs. Hobbs, belated, flustered and inquiring everywhe