f which did either of these two anachronisms ever
set foot, and of both of which I, in my two respective existences, was
commander-in-chief. The fact is that, as in the case of the fictitious
Adam, these two impersonators are frauds. The man now masquerading as
Noah was my hired man in the latter part of the antediluvian period; was
discharged three years before the flood; was left on shore at the hour
of departure, and when last seen by me was sitting on the top of an
apple-tree, begging to do two men's work for nothing if we'd only let
him out of the wet. If he will at any time submit to a cross-examination
at my hands as to the principal events of that memorable voyage, I will
show to any fair-minded judge how impossible is his claim that he was
in command, or even afloat, after the first week. I have hitherto kept
silent in this matter, in spite of many and repeated outrageous flings,
for the sake of his--or rather my--family, who have been deceived,
as have all the rest of us, barring, of course, myself. References to
portraits of leading citizens of that period will easily show how this
can be. We were all alike as two peas in the olden days, and at a
time when men reached to an advanced age which is not known now, it
frequently became almost impossible to distinguish one old man from
another. I will say, finally, in regard to this person Noah that if he
can give to the public a statement telling the essential differences
between a pterodactyl and a double spondee that will not prove utterly
absurd to an educated person, I will withdraw my accusation and resign
from the club. BUT I KNOW WELL HE CANNOT DO IT, and he does too, and
that is about the extent of his knowledge.

Now as to Jonah. I really dislike very much to tread upon this worthy's
toes, and I should not do it had he not chosen to clap an injunction
upon a volume of Tales of the Whales, which I wrote for children last
summer, claiming that I was infringing upon his copyright, and feeling
that I as a self-respecting man would never claim the discredit of
having myself been the person he claims to have been. I will candidly
confess that I am not proud of my achievements as Jonah. I was a very
oily person even before I embarked upon the seas as Lord High Admiral
of H.M.S. Leviathan. I was not a pleasant person to know. If I spent
the night with a friend, his roof would fall in or his house would burn
down. If I bet on a horse, he would lead up to the home-s