pe
his apparel as he himself liked; and this he called an Englishman. Even
the gentle Harrison, who gives Boord the too harsh character of a lewd
popish hypocrite and ungracious priest, admits that he was not void of
judgment in this; and he finds it easier to inveigh against the enormity,
the fickleness, and the fantasticality of the English attire than to
describe it. So unstable is the fashion, he says, that today the Spanish
guise is in favor; tomorrow the French toys are most fine and delectable;
then the high German apparel is the go; next the Turkish manner is best
liked, the Morisco gowns, the Barbary sleeves, and the short French
breeches; in a word, "except it were a dog in a doublet, you shall not
see any so disguised as are my countrymen in England."

This fantastical folly was in all degrees, from the courtier down to the
tarter. "It is a world to see the costliness and the curiosity, the
excess and the vanity, the pomp and the bravery, the change and the
variety, and finally the fickleness and the folly that is in all degrees;
insomuch that nothing is more constant in England than inconstancy of
attire. So much cost upon the body, so little upon souls; how many suits
of apparel hath the one, or how little furniture hath the other!" "And
how men and women worry the poor tailors, with endless fittings and
sending back of garments, and trying on!" "Then must the long seams of
our hose be set with a plumb line, then we puff, then we blow, and
finally sweat till we drop, that our clothes may stand well upon us."

The barbers were as cunning in variety as the tailors. Sometimes the head
was polled; sometimes the hair was curled, and then suffered to grow long
like a woman's locks, and many times cut off, above or under the ears,
round as by a wooden dish. And so with the beards: some shaved from the
chin, like the Turks; some cut short, like the beard of the Marquis Otto;
some made round, like a rubbing-brush; some peaked, others grown long. If
a man have a lean face, the Marquis Otto's cut makes it broad; if it be
platterlike, the long, slender beard makes it seem narrow; "if he be
weasel-beaked, then much hair left on the cheeks will make the owner look
big like a bowdled hen, and so grim as a goose." Some courageous
gentlemen wore in their ears rings of gold and stones, to improve God's
work, which was otherwise set off by monstrous quilted and stuffed
doublets, that puffed out the figure like a barrel.

Th