e rule is to take such care in the
selection of our friends as never to enter upon a friendship with a man
whom we could under any circumstances come to hate. And even if we are
unlucky in our choice, we must put up with it--according to Scipio--in
preference to making calculations as to a future breach.

17. The real limit to be observed in friendship is this: the characters
of two friends must be stainless. There must be complete harmony of
interests, purpose, and aims, without exception. Then if the case arises
of a friend's wish (not strictly right in itself) calling for support in
a matter involving his life or reputation, we must make some concession
from the straight path--on condition, that is to say, that extreme
disgrace is not the consequence. Something must be conceded to
friendship. And yet we must not be entirely careless of our reputation,
nor regard the good opinion of our fellow-citizens as a weapon which we
can afford to despise in conducting the business of our life, however
lowering it may be to tout for it by flattery and smooth words. We must
by no means abjure virtue, which secures us affection.

But to return again to Scipio, the sole author of the discourse on
friendship. He used to complain that there was nothing on which men
bestowed so little pains: that every one could tell exactly how many
goats or sheep he had, but not how many friends; and while they took
pains in procuring the former, they were utterly careless in selecting
friends, and possessed no particular marks, so to speak, or tokens by
which they might judge of their suitability for friendship. Now the
qualities we ought to look out for in making our selection are firmness,
stability, constancy. There is a plentiful lack of men so endowed, and
it is difficult to form a judgment without testing. Now this testing
can only be made during the actual existence of the friend-ship; for
friendship so often precedes the formation of a judgment, and makes a
previous test impossible. If we are prudent then, we shall rein in our
impulse to affection as we do chariot horses. We make a preliminary
trial of horses. So we should of friendship; and should test our
friends' characters by a kind of tentative friendship. It may often
happen that the untrustworthiness of certain men is completely displayed
in a small money matter; others who are proof against a small sum are
detected if it be large. But even if some are found who think it mean
to pre