ree indigesters, and sending them all to sleep in
three hours and forty-five minutes, their rage was almost beyond their
control. The cheers, the hurrahs, and the clapping of hands, as well as
the soothing music of the harmoniums, only made them more disagreeable
and spiteful.

But far worse was to happen when Bill presently carried off the great
cup for remaining shut up in a bathing-machine with twelve vaccinated
children for twelve hours. Then they quite lost their tempers, and Bill
very nearly lost his life. At least seven babies were hurled at him, as
well as the cup and the bathing-machine, and Bill was only saved by the
seven mothers of the seven hurled babies, who rushed forward to grapple
with the hurlers, and carried Bill and the babies out of their reach.

This shocking disturbance caused the vicar and his eight kind curates to
faint, while the Duke, who, now having lost all interest in the
proceedings, was only waiting to give away the prizes, turned quite
white, and at once drove off with the Duchess in his motor, and never
again referred to the subject. The general stripped off his medals in
despair, and gave them away to the children to cut their teeth with. The
chatty old Viscount became dumb with astonishment, and the twelve
bishops, with heads erect and half-closed eyes, walked off to their
cathedrals. The harmoniums were all put out of tune and quite spoilt by
the efforts of the bandsmen to drown the noise, and the tournament was
completely broken up.

After this, as might have been foreseen, no mother would entrust the
care of her children to any one but Bill, who became the only minder of
the district. What became of the rivals no one ever knew for certain,
though it has been said that they all emigrated to a desolate island in
the Dead Sea, and clothed themselves in crocodile's hide with the rough
and knobby side worn against the skin, sleeping at night on beds of
flints with coverlets made of stinging nettles. It is also said that
they nagged and threw stones at each other all through the day, and for
very rage would eat nothing but thistles, uncooked and with the prickles
left on, and drink nothing but cold vinegar for the rest of their
wretched lives.

[Illustration: THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT]

Another story has it that Bill's jealous rivals all embarked for Mount
Vesuvius, with the intention of committing suicide by plunging into the
burning crater. But standing on its edge and gazin