VI. _Villa Cimarosa, Lake of Como_

Gilbert reminds me that I had arranged my departure hence for to-morrow:
this was some weeks back, and now I have no intention of leaving. I
cling to this "Happy Valley," as one clings to life. To me it is indeed
such. These days of sunshine and nights of starry brilliancy--this calm,
delicious water--these purpled mountains, glowing with richer tints
as day wears on, till at sunset they are one blaze of gorgeous
splendour,--the very plash of those tiny waves upon the rocky shore are
become to me like friendly sights and sounds, from which I cannot tear
myself. And Lucy, too, she is to me as a sister, so full of kind,
of watchful consideration about me; since her own health is so much
restored, all her anxiety would seem for mine. How puzzling is the
tone assumed by Sir Gordon towards me! It was only yesterday that, in
speaking of his granddaughter, he expressed himself in such terms of
gratitude to me for the improvement manifest in her health, as though I
had really been the main agent in effecting it. I, whose power has never
been greater than a heart-cherished wish that one so fair, so beautiful,
and so good, should live to grace and adorn the world she moves in! What
a strange race, what a hard-fought struggle, has been going on within me
for some time back! Ebbing life contesting with budding affection; the
calm aspect of coming death dashed by feelings and thoughts--ay, even
hopes I had believed long since at rest. I feel less that I love than
that I should love, if life were to be granted to me.

I believe it is the pursuit that in most cases suggests the passion;
that the effort we may make to win exalts the object we wish to
gain. Not so here, however. _If I do love_, it has been without any
consciousness. It is so seldom that one who has never had a sister
learns to know, in real intimacy, the whole heart and nature of a
young and lovely girl, with all its emotions of ever-changing hue, its
thousand caprices, its weakness, and its pride. To me this study--it has
been a study--has given an inexpressible interest to my life here.
And then to watch how gradually, almost imperceptibly to herself, the
discipline of her mind has been accomplished--checking wild flights of
fancy here, restraining rash impulses there, encouraging reflection,
conquering prejudices,--all these done without my bidding, and yet
palpably through my influence; What pleasant flattery!

One distressing t