e engine and hitch it to the
rear of the train; for, you see, we are not liable to overtake a cow, but
what's to prevent a cow from strolling into this car and biting a
passenger?"--_Boston Herald._

LOST.

Legends of the absent-minded savant are legion, but the following, told of
a well-known Ph.D. of this city, perhaps touches the climax:

One of the charwomen in the temple of learning with which he is associated
choked on a pin she had put in her mouth as she went about her work.
Rushing up to Professor Blank's sanctum she burst in through the door
without the formality of a knock.

"Professor, oh, professor!" she panted, "I've swallowed a pin."

"Never mind," returned the professor, feeling absently about the edges of
his lapel without raising his eyes from the book before him, "here's
another one you can have."--_New York Times._

IT WOULD NOT "DOWN."

Nat Goodwin was much occupied in looking at the waves. As he leaned over
the deck railing a young woman passenger emerged from the first-cabin
saloon.

"Oh. Mr. Goodwin," she cried, "is the moon up to-night?"

"If I swallowed it, it's up," responded the actor sorrowfully.--_New York
Mail._

LABORERS WERE PLENTIFUL.

An officer who served with Lord Kitchener in Egypt tells the following
anecdote of him:

"During the progress of some construction work in Upper Egypt the young
subaltern in charge had the misfortune to lose some native workmen through
the accidental explosion of some cases of dynamite. He telegraphed to Lord
Kitchener, then Sirdar:

"'Regret to report killing ten laborers by dynamite accident.'

"In a few hours came this laconic dispatch: "Do you need any more
dynamite?"--_Pittsburgh Dispatch._

FEMININE ARITHMETIC.

When I was ten and you were eight,
Two years between us stood,
We used to meet by daddy's gate--
A stolen kiss was good.

When I was twenty--quite a boy,
You still were my heart's queen,
But grown of kissing somewhat coy;
You see, you were sixteen!

When I was thirty, bronzed and tall,
With sweethearts, too, in plenty,
I met you at the Wilsons' ball--
You told me you were twenty.

I'm forty now, a little more--
Oh, Time, you ruthless bandit!
But you--you're only twenty-four;
I cannot understand it!

_Pearson's Weekly._

FAR IN THE FUTURE.

"Don't you ever expect to get married?" she asked.

"Well," replied the o