every desperado that may be tired of
his life; but as I am at present High Sheriff of the City of London, it
may shortly happen that I shall have an opportunity of attending you in
my civil capacity, in which case I will answer for it that _you shall
have no ground_ to complain of my endeavours to serve you." This is one
of the bitterest retorts ever uttered. Wilkes's notoriety led to his
head being painted as a public-house sign, which, however, did not
invariably raise the original in estimation. An old lady, in passing a
public-house distinguished as above, her companion called her attention
to the sign. "Ah!" replied she, "Wilkes swings everywhere but where he
ought." Wilkes's squint was proverbial; yet even this natural obliquity
he turned to humorous account. When Wilkes challenged Lord Townshend, he
said, "Your lordship is one of the handsomest men in the kingdom, and I
am one of the ugliest. Yet, give me but half an hour's start, and I
will enter the lists against you with any woman you choose to name."

Once, when the house seemed resolved not to hear him, and a friend urged
him to desist--"Speak," he said, "I must, for my speech has been in
print for the newspapers this half-hour." Fortunately for him, he was
gifted with a coolness and effrontery which were only equalled by his
intrepidity, all three of which qualities constantly served his turn in
the hour of need. As an instance of his audacity, it may be stated that
on one occasion he and another person put forth, from a private room in
a tavern, a proclamation commencing--"We, the people of England," &c.,
and concluding--"By order of the meeting." Another amusing instance of
his effrontery occurred on the hustings at Brentford, when he and
Colonel Luttrell were standing there together as rival candidates for
the representation of Middlesex in Parliament. Looking down with great
apparent apathy on the sea of human beings, consisting chiefly of his
own votaries and friends, which stretched beneath him--"I wonder," he
whispered to his opponent, "whether among that crowd the fools or the
knaves predominate?" "I will tell them what you say," replied the
astonished Luttrell, "and thus put an end to you." Perceiving that
Wilkes treated the threat with the most perfect indifference--"Surely,"
he added, "you don't mean to say you could stand here one hour after I
did so?" "Why not?" replied Wilkes; "it is _you_ who would not be alive
one instant after." "How so?" i