IAL MAN

Is the opposite extreme to a defamer, for the one speaks ill falsely, and
the other well, and both slander the truth. He is one that is still
weighing men in the scale of comparisons, and puts his affections in the
one balance and that sways. His friend always shall do best, and you shall
rarely hear good of his enemy. He considers first the man and then the
thing, and restrains all merit to what they deserve of him. Commendations
he esteems not the debt of worth, but the requital of kindness; and if you
ask his reason, shews his interest, and tells you how much he is beholden
to that man. He is one that ties his judgment to the wheel of fortune, and
they determine giddily both alike. He prefers England before other
countries because he was born there, and Oxford before other universities,
because he was brought up there, and the best scholar there is one of his
own college, and the best scholar there is one of his friends. He is a
great favourer of great persons, and his argument is still that which
should be antecedent; as,--he is in high place, therefore virtuous;--he is
preferred, therefore worthy. Never ask his opinion, for you shall hear but
his faction, and he is indifferent in nothing but conscience. Men esteem
him for this a zealous affectionate, but they mistake him many times, for
he does it but to be esteemed so. Of all men he is worst to write an
history, for he will praise a Sejanus or Tiberius, and for some petty
respect of his all posterity shall be cozened.

XXXVIII.

A TRUMPETER

Is the elephant with the great trunk, for he eats nothing but what comes
through this way. His profession is not so worthy as to occasion
insolence, and yet no man so much puft up. His face is as brazen as his
trumpet, and (which is worse,) as a fidler's, from whom he differeth only
in this, that his impudence is dearer. The sea of drink and much wind make
a storm perpetually in his cheeks, and his look is like his noise,
blustering and tempestuous. He was whilom the sound of war, but now of
peace; yet as terrible as ever, for wheresoever he comes they are sure to
pay for it. He is the common attendant of glittering folks, whether in the
court or stage, where he is always the prologue's prologue.[63] He is
somewhat in the nature of a hogshead, shrillest when he is empty; when
his belly is full he is quiet enough. No man proves life more to be a
blast, or himself a bubble, and he is like a counterfeit bank