m not imaginative; but my teeth,
Sir, would suddenly grow to the length of a mastodon's, and perhaps five
minutes after, (if at the table,) a narcotic deadness would take the place
of the previous excitement, and I would seem to be mumbling my food like
people whose teeth are gone. But in the street, I always seemed to be
grinning at every body, like some horrible beast who couldn't get his
mouth shut. If you have ever stayed _agape_ for an hour or so, while the
doctor was on his way to reset your jaws, you can imagine how
distressingly _public_ that feeling is. One bitter cold night I woke on
the cellar-stairs, having got that far in search of tobacco, in my
night-dress. Did you ever do so? You may think it trifling; but whenever
from any cause you have become nervous, the first night that you wake on
the cellar-stairs in the dark will be something to remember. At another
time I dreamed of dying. I had been long sick and had wasted to a mere
nothing; but having had abundant time to prepare for death, I flattered
myself that I was quite ready to go; and indeed, my hold upon life was so
feeble, (a slight change in the weather would have snapped it, so it
seemed,) my very breath was so fluttering and unsatisfactory, that I
thought it would be as well perhaps to have done with it. The faces of
friends, and the out-door world, with all its many goings-on, were
pleasant to behold, but _faintly_ so--indistinctly; my pulsations had gone
down to such extreme tenuity, that the effort of getting at a pleasure
killed it. But I was mistaken; for just before dying, the thought of my
cigars came to me like a blessing; and although my physician told me I had
but a few moments to live, I would not be refused. A cigar was brought; I
seized it in my bony fingers, held it up to the light, smelt of it, and
fondled it till the light was brought; and then, with what little grace my
strength would allow, I inhaled that divine tobacco! How complacently, as
far as I was able, did I then look around upon my surviving friends! My
eyes, however, closed very soon from languor, and my breath now coming
only at rather long intervals, the puffs were far between; notwithstanding
which, I lived it through to the last inspiration; but in the closing
draught, the fire from the cigar burnt my mouth so badly that I--awoke,
and found I had actually bitten my lip in a most shocking manner! Well,
Sir, you may think it was pleasant _not_ to be dying, and so it was