I heard a randy of a noise
out-along, and my dogs set up a-barkin', and goin' to look, there was
a airyplane had shoved hisself into my hayrick, and a young feller
a-splutterin' and hollerin', and usin' all manner of heathen language
to my dog. He cooled down arter a bit, when I'd spoke to him pretty
straight, axin' who'd pay for the mess he'd made, and he went
down-along to village, sayin' he'd take a bed there for hisself and
his man, and pay me what was fair. Drown me if he wasn't back in
half-an-hour, all of a heat, tellin' me in a commandin' way--being an
officer by what he said--to pull down my fence and help him hoist that
airyplane on to the road. I wouldn't stir a finger till he'd promised
faithful to pay, not me; then we worked me and some labourin' men he
brought, till we was all of a sweat, and we got the dratted thing out,
and off she went, whizzin' and buzzin' in a way I never did see. Come
mornin' I took a look at things, and there was half my hay not worth a
cuss for horse or ass, and thirty feet of fence fit for nowt but
firewood. 'Send in your bill,' says he, and send it I did, and neither
song nor sixpence have I got for it. Thinks I, I'll go and see if he
give me a right name and address, and a mighty moil 'twas to find the
place, and no train back till mornin', and my wife don't know where I
be."

"Very annoying. What's the amount of your b-b-bill?"

"Here it be. Cast your eye on it, sir. I ain't overcharged a penny."

He handed Mr. Barracombe a soiled paper folded many times--"To damage
to hay, repairing fence, and cleaning up, _L_4 2_s_ 4-1/2_d_."

"What's the ha'penny?" asked Mr. Barracombe.

"I never thowt there'd be any question of a ha'penny, drown me if I
did. The ha'penny be for the ball of twine we used to get fence
straight. I didn't want it set up all crissmacross, mind 'ee, and you
have to draw a line same as when you're plantin' 'taties."

"Well, Mr. B-B-Barton, I'm sorry Mr. Smith isn't at home, but the
f-fact is he's been for a voyage round the world, and won't be home
till eleven."

"That's a good 'un. Round the world! Why, I tell 'ee this was only a
se'nnight ago. I seed him myself. He couldn't get a half nor a quarter
round the world in the time. My son Jock be a sailor, and he don't do
it under six months. That won't wash with Isaac Barton. No, no, if
he'll be home at eleven he hain't been round the world. Anyway, I'll
bide till he comes. I dussn't show my face to home wit