Heaven would
be voluntary, and the performance of a seeming duty would carry with it,
its own reward.

These reasonings, aided by inclination, were sufficient to determine
me. I have no doubt but their fallacy would have been detected in the
sequel, and my scheme have been productive of nothing but confusion and
remorse. From these consequences, however, my fate interposed, as in the
former instance, to save me.

Having formed my resolution, many preliminaries to its execution
were necessary to be settled. These demanded deliberation and delay;
meanwhile I recollected my promise to Ludlow, and paid him a visit. I
met a frank and affectionate reception. It would not be easy to paint
the delight which I experienced in this man's society. I was at first
oppressed with the sense of my own inferiority in age, knowledge and
rank. Hence arose numberless reserves and incapacitating diffidences;
but these were speedily dissipated by the fascinations of this man's
address. His superiority was only rendered, by time, more conspicuous,
but this superiority, by appearing never to be present to his own
mind, ceased to be uneasy to me. My questions required to be frequently
answered, and my mistakes to be rectified; but my keenest scrutiny,
could detect in his manner, neither arrogance nor contempt. He seemed
to talk merely from the overflow of his ideas, or a benevolent desire of
imparting information.

Chapter IV.

My visits gradually became more frequent. Meanwhile my wants increased,
and the necessity of some change in my condition became daily more
urgent. This incited my reflections on the scheme which I had formed.
The time and place suitable to my design, were not selected without much
anxious inquiry and frequent waverings of purpose. These being at length
fixed, the interval to elapse, before the carrying of my design into
effect, was not without perturbation and suspense. These could not be
concealed from my new friend and at length prompted him to inquire into
the cause.

It was not possible to communicate the whole truth; but the warmth of
his manner inspired me with some degree of ingenuousness. I did not hide
from him my former hopes and my present destitute condition. He listened
to my tale with no expressions of sympathy, and when I had finished,
abruptly inquired whether I had any objection to a voyage to Europe? I
answered in the negative. He then said that he was preparing to depart
in a fortnight and