(greatly scandalized)--"Is it possible, Hannah, you are making
bread without having washed your hands?"

New Kitchen Girl--"Lor', what's the difference, mum? It's brown bread."

* * * * *

Family Physician--"I'm afraid you have been eating too much cake and
candy. Let me see your tongue."

Little Girl--"Oh, you can look at it, but it won't tell."

* * * * *

"Patrick, you told me you needed the alcohol to clean the mirrors with,
and here I find you drinking it."

"Faix, mum, it's drinkin' it and brathin' on the glass oi'm a-doin'."

* * * * *

A clergyman was being shaved by a barber who had evidently become
unnerved by the previous night's dissipation. Finally he cut the
clergyman's chin. The latter looked up at the artist reproachfully and
said, "You see, my man, what comes of hard drinking." "Yes, sir,"
replied the barber, consolingly, "it makes the skin tender."

* * * * *

They began by making much of his office, and the great qualities
necessary to properly fill it. They laid stress upon the decay of the
standard of fitness, and congratulated themselves that they had at last
met with an instance where the man did honor to the office.

The mayor stood it for some time, and then in the blandest manner
remarked:

"You make me more worthy, gentlemen, than I really am. I am not a
genius, nor yet am I a sot or a simpleton, but rather, if you will
permit such self measurement, something between the two."

* * * * *

First Quick Lunch Waitress--"Say, but that dude is gone on Molly!"

Second Quick Lunch Waitress (enviously)--"Ain't he? When he orders
'beans and draw one and sinkers' from her he puts such love in it that
it sounds like 'Paddy defoy grass, coffee o'lay and Parker House
rolls.'"

* * * * *

"Will you have a piece of the pie, Mr. Goodman?" asked Bobby's mother of
the minister.

"Thanks, no," he replied.

"Will you, Bobby," she inquired.

"No, I think not," said Bobby, rather hesitating.

The minister looked at Bobby in surprise.

"I thought all little boys were fond of pie," he said.

"They are," replied Bobby. "I could eat that hull pie, but ma said if
you didn't take any I mustn't, and she'd save it for tomorrow."

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Suppers, by Paul Pierce

*** END