In cosmopolitan Los Angeles there are five gentlemen companions, each
representing a different nationality, who from frequent association have
become intimate friends. One is a Russian, one a Turk, one a Frenchman,
one an American and one an Englishman. These five frequently assemble
together and tell of the comparative merits of the respective countries
they represented and thus their companionship is a source of instruction
as well as entertainment. Recently they gave a champagne supper to which
a few friends were invited. During the course of this dinner it was
proposed that each of the five give a toast to his native country, the
one giving the best toast to be at no expense for the feast. The result
was these toasts:

The Russian--"Here's to the stars and bars of Russia, that were never
pulled down."

The Turk--"Here's to the moons of Turkey whose wings were never
clipped."

The Frenchman--"Here's to the cock of France, whose feathers were never
picked."

The American--"Here's to the Stars and Stripes of America, never trailed
in defeat."

The Englishman--"Here's to the rampin' roarin' lion of Great Britain,
that tore down the stars and bars of Russia, clipped the wings of
Turkey, picked the feathers off the cock of France, and ran like h--l
from the Stars and Stripes of the United States of America."

The Englishman was at no expense for the feast.

* * * * *

"Why, Patrick, you seem to be in great pain--you have taken something
that disagrees with you." "Yes, doctor, I swallowed a potato bug be
accident, and although I took some Paris green a minute after it don't
quiet the disgraceful little baste. He's racing up and down and all
round inside of me."

* * * * *

"If you would refuse occasionally when those hateful men ask you to
drink," said Mrs. Booce, "you would not be coming home in this
condition. You lack firmness of character."

"Don't you b'leeve nossin' of the sort," said Mr. Booce, with much
dignity. "The fellers tried to start me home more'n two hours ago."

* * * * *

Guest--"Am I the unlucky thirteener?"

Host--"No, you're the lucky fourteener. You're to fill up the gap."

Guest--"All right; I've brought it with me."

* * * * *

"Suppose you come and dine with us tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't the day after do just as well?" inquired the poor relation.

"Certa