,
starved, chased, terrified out of your life, insulted, jeered at, and
ignominiously flung into the water--by a woman, too! Where's the
amusement in that? Where does the fun come in? And all because you
must needs go and steal a motor-car. You know that you've never had
anything but trouble from motor-cars from the moment you first set
eyes on one. But if you _will_ be mixed up with them--as you generally
are, five minutes after you've started--why _steal_ them? Be a
cripple, if you think it's exciting; be a bankrupt, for a change, if
you've set your mind on it: but why choose to be a convict? When are
you going to be sensible and think of your friends, and try and be
a credit to them? Do you suppose it's any pleasure to me, for
instance, to hear animals saying, as I go about, that I'm the chap
that keeps company with gaol-birds?"

[Illustration: _Dwelling chiefly on his own cleverness, and presence
of mind in emergencies_]

Now, it was a very comforting point in Toad's character that he was a
thoroughly good-hearted animal, and never minded being jawed by those
who were his real friends. And even when most set upon a thing, he was
always able to see the other side of the question. So although, while
the Rat was talking so seriously, he kept saying to himself
mutinously, "But it _was_ fun, though! Awful fun!" and making strange
suppressed noises inside him, k-i-ck-ck-ck, and poop-p-p, and other
sounds resembling stifled snorts, or the opening of soda-water
bottles, yet when the Rat had quite finished, he heaved a deep sigh
and said, very nicely and humbly, "Quite right, Ratty! How _sound_ you
always are! Yes, I've been a conceited old ass, I can quite see that;
but now I'm going to be a good Toad, and not do it any more. As for
motor-cars, I've not been at all so keen about them since my last
ducking in that river of yours. The fact is, while I was hanging on to
the edge of your hole and getting my breath, I had a sudden idea--a
really brilliant idea--connected with motor-boats--there, there! don't
take on so, old chap, and stamp, and upset things; it was only an
idea, and we won't talk any more about it now. We'll have our coffee,
_and_ a smoke, and a quiet chat, and then I'm going to stroll quietly
down to Toad Hall, and get into clothes of my own, and set things
going again on the old lines. I've had enough of adventures. I shall
lead a quiet, steady, respectable life, pottering about my property,
and improving i