' ses the whale. 'I suppose the poor old soul had her fill of
days, an' sure we all must die, an' 'tis cheaper to be dead than alive
at any time. A man never knows that he's dead when he's dead an' he
never knows he's alive until he's married.'

"'You're a great one to expatiate on things you know nothing about, like
the barbers and the cobblers,' said the grasshopper. 'I only want to
know if you're coming to the funeral to-morrow?'

"'I'm sorry I can't,' ses the whale. 'Me grandfather is getting married,
for the tenth time, an' as I was in China on the last few occasions I
must pay me respects by being present at to-morrow's festivities,' ses
he.

"'I'm sorry you can't come,' ses the grasshopper, 'because you are
heartily welcome an' you'd add prestige to the ceremony besides.'

"'I know that,' ses the whale, 'but America doesn't care much about
ceremony.'

"'Who told you that?' ses the grasshopper.

"'Haven't I me eyesight, an' don't I read the newspapers,' ses the
whale.

"'You mustn't read the society columns, then,' ses the grasshopper.

"'Wisha, for the love of St. Crispin,' ses the whale 'have they society
columns in the American newspapers?'

"'Indeed they have,' ses the grasshopper, 'and they oftentimes devote a
few columns to other matters when the dressmakers don't be busy.'

"'America is a strange country surely, a wonderful country, not to say
a word about the length and breadth of it. I swam around it twice last
week without stoppin,' to try an' reduce me weight, an' would you
believe me that I was tired after the journey, but the change of air
only added to me proportions.'

"'That's too bad,' said the grasshopper.

"'Are you an American?' said the whale.

"'Of course I am,' ses the grasshopper. 'You don't think 'tis the way
I'd be born at sea an' no nationality at all like yourself. I'm proud
of me country.'

"'And why, might I ask?'

"'Well don't we produce distinguished Irishmen? Don't we make Americans
of the Europeans and Europeans of the Americans? Think of all the
connoisseurs who wouldn't buy a work of art in their own country when
they could go to Europe and pay ten times its value for the pot-boilers
that does be turned out in the studios of Paris and London.'

"'There's nothin' like home industry,' ses the whale, 'in a foreign
country, I mean.'

"'After all, who knows anything about a work of art but the artist? and
very little he knows about it, either. A work of art is l