an' has less influence
wid me dan any 'possum I evah has eat in my bo'n days."

Old uncle "Ephraham" was present at the country dance in all his glory.
He was attired in his master's old claw-hammer coat, a very buff vest,
a high standing collar the corners of which stood out six inches from
his face, striped pantaloons that fitted as tightly as a kid glove, and
he wore number fourteen shoes. He looked as though he were born to call
the figures of the dance. The fiddler was a young man with long legs,
a curving back, and a neck of the crane fashion, embellished with an
Adam's apple which made him look as though he had made an unsuccessful
effort to swallow his own head. But he was a very important personage
at the dance. With great dignity he unwound his bandana handkerchief
from his old fiddle and proceeded to tune for the fray.

Did you never hear a country fiddler tune his fiddle? He tuned, and he
tuned, and he tuned. He tuned for fifteen minutes, and it was like a
melodious frog pond during a shower of rain.

At length uncle "Ephraham" shouted: "Git yo' pardners for a
cow-tillion."

The fiddler struck an attitude, and after countless yelps from his eager
strings, he glided off into that sweet old Southern air of "Old Uncle
Ned," as though he were mauling rails or feeding a threshing machine.
Uncle "Ephraham" sang the chorus with the fiddle before he began to call
the figures of the dance:

"Lay down de shovel an' de hoe--hoe--hoe, hang up de fiddle an'
de bow,
For dar's no mo' work for poor ol' Ned--he's gone whar de good
niggahs go."

Then, drawing himself up to his full height, he began! "Honah yo'
pardnahs! swing dem co'nahs--swing yo' pardnahs! fust couple for'd an'
back! half right an' leff fru! back agin! swing dem co'nahs--swing yo'
pardnahs! nex' couple for'd an' back! half right and leff fru! back agin!
swing dem co'nahs--swing yo' pardnahs! fust couple to de right--lady in
de centah--han's all around--suhwing!!!--nex' couple suhwing!!! nex'
couple suhwing!!! suh-wing, suh-wing, suh-wing!!!!!!"

[Illustration: UNCLE "EPHRAHAM" CALLING THE FIGURES OF THE DANCE.]

About this time an angry lad who had been jilted by his sweetheart,
shied a fresh egg from without; it struck "Ephraham" square between the
eyes and broke and landed on his upper lip. Uncle "Ephraham" yelled:
"Stop de music--stop de dance--let de whole circumstances of dis
occasion come to a stan' still till I