s nothing can remove
them except inward applications of dynamite.

The grip germ hates the idea of race suicide.

From one small germ there will arise and go forth a family the size
of which was never dreamed of in the philosophy of our wise and
busy President.

I don't know just exactly how they happened to warm wise to me, but
a newly married couple of grip germs took a notion to build a nest
somewhere on the outskirts of my solar plexus, and two hours later
they had about 233 children attending the public school in my
medusa oblongata; and every time school would let out for recess I
would go up in the air and hit the ceiling with my top-knot.

Before the next morning came all these grip children had graduated
from school and after tearing down the school-house the whole bunch
had married and had large families of their own, and all hands were
out paddling their canoes on my alimentary canal.

By nine o'clock that morning there must have been eighty-five
million grip germs armed with self-loading revolvers all trying to
shoot their initials over the walls of my interior department.

It was fierce!

When the doctor arrived on the scene I was carrying enough
concealed weapons to exterminate the entire Japanese army.

I'm up to one thing and that is that the Russians couldn't beat the
Japs because all the national energy and vitality emigrated from
St. Petersburg and came over here with the first grip germs.

If the Czar of all the Russians had been a wise Little Father he
would have encouraged the grip germs to remain loyal to their
native land and then he could have sent them out to Manchuria to
bite the ramparts out of General Oyama instead of chasing
inoffensive American citizens into the drug stores.

"Well, anyway the medicine mixer blew in, threw his saws behind the
sofa, put his dip net on the mantlepiece, and took a fall out of my
pulse.

"Ah!" he said, after he had noted that my tongue looked like a
currycomb.

"The same to you, Doc," I said.

"Ah!" he said, looking hard at the wall.

"Say, Doc!" I whispered; "there's no use to cut off my leg because
the germs will hide in my elbow."

"Do you feel shooting pains in the cerebellum near the apex of the
cosmopolitan?" inquired the doctor.

"Surest thing you know," I said.

"Have you a buzzing in the ears, and a confused sound like distant
laughter in the panatella?" he asked.

"It's a cinch, Doc," I said.

"Do you feel a roaring in the