press their sense of that fact by
intimating that EFFIE GERMON'S jewels are not real, and the
sales-gentlemen by confiding to one another at the bar, whither they
wend after the second act to quaff the maddening sarsaparilla, that
WALLACK'S is running down.

As I have abused several revered institutions in these few lines. I
will, in terror of public opinion and private wrath, execute a small
variation on my usual and familiar autograph, and sign myself

PICADOR.

* * * * *

VORACIOUS VEGETATION.

It appears that our ever-active Park Commissioners are making vigorous
efforts to establish a Zoological Garden in Central Park. It has been
generally supposed that gardens were either horticultural or
agricultural; but if the Commissioners can get up anything of the kind
which shall be zoological, Mr. PUNCHINELLO has not the least objection
in the world. He supposes that in such a garden the principal plants
will be Tiger-lilies, Cock's-combs, Larkspurs, Ragged Robins,
Coltsfoots, Horse-chestnuts, Goose-berries, Dandelions, Foxgloves, and
Dog-wood. If full crops are desired, a good many pigeons and chickens
should be kept on the grounds, and that portion of the gardens devoted
to leg-uminous products will probably be occupied by storks and
giraffes.

* * * * *

Q.

Is it likely that a set of Chinese gardeners would be able to mind, at
the same time, both their Peas and their Queues?

* * * * *

[Illustration: "ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED."

_1st Young Gentleman_. "I TELL YOU WHAT, IT'S AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING
TO DO, JUST NOW."

_2d ditto_. "THAT'S SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN
A FAMILY, AND I'VE JUST BIN AND WROTE AN ANSWER."]

* * * * *

THE QUEUE-RIOUS FUTURE.

Of all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the
Chinese have supplied us with the most queue-rious. The arrived man from
that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged
washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in
Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chambermaid,
our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our
mermaid, brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the
Pacific Ocean, and landed on the coast of California. Thence he conveyed
it across the Plains, and now our mothers are g