made Tyler President, the "off Jack," as he dubbed himself, went up to
the White House and said: "Jack Tyler, you've had luck and I haven't.
You must do something for me and do it quick. I'm hard up and I want an
office."

"You old reprobate," said Tyler, "what office on earth do you think you
are fit to fill?"

"Well," said Dade, "I have heard them talking round here of a place they
call a sine-cu-ree--big pay and no work--and if there is one of them
left and lying about loose I think I could fill it to a T."

"All right," said the President good naturedly, "I'll see what can be
done. Come up to-morrow."

The next day "Col. John W. Dade, of Virginia," was appointed keeper of
the Federal prison of the District of Columbia. He assumed his post
with _empressement_, called the prisoners before him and made them an
address.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said he; "I have been chosen by my friend, the
President of the United States, as superintendent of this eleemosynary
institution. It is my intention to treat you all as a Virginia gentleman
should treat a body of American ladies and gentlemen gathered here
from all parts of our beloved Union, and I shall expect the same
consideration in return. Otherwise I will turn you all out upon the cold
mercies of a heartless world and you will have to work for your living."

There came to Congress from Alabama a roistering blade by the name of
McConnell. He was something of a wit. During his brief sojourn in the
national capital he made a noisy record for himself as an all-round,
all-night man about town, a dare-devil and a spendthrift. His first
encounter with Col. John W. Dade, of Virginia, used to be one of the
standard local jokes. Colonel Dade was seated in the barroom of Brown's
Hotel early one morning, waiting for someone to come in and invite him
to drink.

Presently McConnell arrived. It was his custom when he entered a saloon
to ask the entire roomful, no matter how many, "to come up and licker,"
and, of course, he invited the solitary stranger.

When the glasses were filled Dade pompously said: "With whom have I the
honor of drinking?"

"My name," answered McConnell, "is Felix Grundy McConnell, begad! I am a
member of Congress from Alabama. My mother is a justice of the peace,
my aunt keeps a livery stable, and my grandmother commanded a company in
the Revolution and fit the British, gol darn their souls!"

Dade pushed his glass aside.

"Sir," said he, "I am a man