be their friend. Some, furious and envious, say: "Who is this man who
refuses what I offer, and how dares he, the conceited coxcomb, to deny
my merit?"

Sometimes my letters contain not mere thorns, but bludgeons. How are
two choice slips from that noble Irish oak, which has more than once
supplied alpeens for this meek and unoffending skull:--

"THEATRE ROYAL, DONNYBROOK.

"SIR,--I have just finished reading the first portion of your Tale,
Lovel the Widower, and am much surprised at the unwarrantable strictures
you pass therein on the corps de ballet.

"I have been for more than ten years connected with the theatrical
profession, and I beg to assure you that the majority of the corps de
ballet are virtuous, well-conducted girls, and, consequently, that snug
cottages are not taken for them in the Regent's Park.

"I also have to inform you that theatrical managers are in the habit of
speaking good English, possibly better English than authors.

"You either know nothing of the subject in question, or you assert a
wilful falsehood.

"I am happy to say that the characters of the corps de ballet, as
also those of actors and actresses, are superior to the snarlings
of dyspeptic libellers, or the spiteful attacks and brutum fulmen of
ephemeral authors.

"I am, sir, your obedient servant,

"A. B. C."

The Editor of the Cornhill Magazine.

"THEATRE ROYAL, DONNYBROOK.

"SIR,--I have just read in the Cornhill Magazine for January, the first
portion of a Tale written by you, and entitled Lovel the Widower.

"In the production in question you employ all your malicious spite (and
you have great capabilities that way) in trying to degrade the character
of the corps de ballet. When you imply that the majority of ballet-girls
have villas taken for them in the Regent's Park, I SAY YOU TELL A
DELIBERATE FALSEHOOD.

"Haveing been brought up to the stage from infancy, and though now an
actress, haveing been seven years principal dancer at the opera, I am
competent to speak on the subject. I am only surprised that so vile a
libeller as yourself should be allowed to preside at the Dramatic Fund
dinner on the 22nd instant. I think it would be much better if you
were to reform your own life, instead of telling lies of those who are
immeasurably your superiors.

"Yours in supreme disgust,

"A. D."

The signatures of the respected writers are altered, and for the site
of their Theatre Royal an adjacent place is named