ld the lady like them to be musical? And how many company dinners a
week? Not too many, for fear of fatiguing the upper kitchen-maid; but
sufficient, so as to keep the upper kitchen-maid's hand in. [N.B.--I
think I can see a rather bewildered expression on the countenances of
Mesdames Doddles and Toddles as I am prattling on in this easy bantering
way.]

4. The head kitchen-maid wishes to stay for two years, and improve
herself under the man-cook, and having of course sucked the brains (as
the phrase is) from under the chefs nightcap, then the head kitchen-maid
wishes to go.

And upon my word, Mrs. Toddles, mum, I will go and fetch the cab for
her. The cab? Why not her ladyship's own carriage and pair, and the head
coachman to drive away the head kitchen-maid? You see she stipulates for
everything--the time to come; the time to stay; the family she will
be with; and as soon as she has improved herself enough, of course the
upper kitchen-maid will step into the carriage and drive off.

Well, upon my word and conscience, if things are coming to THIS pass,
Mrs. Toddles and Mrs. Doddles, mum, I think I will go up stairs and get
a basin and a sponge, and then down stairs and get some hot water; and
then I will go and scrub that chalk-mark off my own door with my own
hands.

It is wiped off, I declare! After ever so many weeks! Who has done it?
It was just a little round-about mark, you know, and it was there
for days and weeks, before I ever thought it would be the text of a
Roundabout Paper.

ON BEING FOUND OUT.

At the close (let us say) of Queen Anne's reign, when I was a boy at
a private and preparatory school for young gentlemen, I remember the
wiseacre of a master ordering us all, one night, to march into a little
garden at the back of the house, and thence to proceed one by one into a
tool or hen house, (I was but a tender little thing just put into short
clothes, and can't exactly say whether the house was for tools or hens,)
and in that house to put our hands into a sack which stood on a bench, a
candle burning beside it. I put my hand into the sack. My hand came out
quite black. I went and joined the other boys in the schoolroom; and all
their hands were black too.

By reason of my tender age (and there are some critics who, I hope, will
be satisfied by my acknowledging that I am a hundred and fifty-six next
birthday) I could not understand what was the meaning of this night
excursion--this candl