f his friend the schoolmaster.

He was no sooner gone, than I began to consider my situation with great
uneasiness, and revolved all the schemes my imagination could suggest,
in order to choose and pursue some one that would procure me bread; for
it is impossible to express the pangs I felt, when I reflected on the
miserable dependence in which I lived at the expense of a poor barber's
boy, My pride took the alarm, and having no hopes of succeeding at the
Navy Office, I came to a resolution of enlisting in the foot-guards next
day, be the event what it would. This extravagant design, by flattering
my disposition, gave great satisfaction; and I was charging the enemy at
the head of my own regiment, when Strap's return interrupted my reverie.
The schoolmaster had made him a present of the tie-wig which he wore,
when I was introduced to him, together with an old hat, whose brims
would have overshadowed a Colossus. Though Strap had ventured to
wear them in the dusk, he did not choose to entertain the mob by day;
therefore went to work immediately, and reduced them both to a moderate
size. While he was employed in this office, he addressed me thus: "To
be sure, Mr. Random, you are born a gentleman, and have a great deal of
learning--and, indeed, look like a gentleman; for, as to person, you may
hold up your head with the best of them. On the other hand, I am a poor
but honest cobbler's son: my mother was as industrious a woman as ever
broke bread, till such time as she took to drinking, which you very well
know; but everybody has failings--Humanum est errare. Now myself, I am
a poor journeyman barber, tolerably well made and understand some Latin,
and have a smattering of Greek; but what of that? Perhaps I might
also say, that I know a little of the world; but that is to no
purpose,--though you be gentle, and I simple, it does not follow, but
that I who am simple may do a good office to you who are gentle. Now
this is the case: my kinsman, the schoolmaster--perhaps you did not know
he how nearly he is related to me--I'll satisfy you in that presently;
his mother and my grandmother's sister's nephew--no, that's not it!--my
grandfather's brother's daughter--rabbit it! I have forgot the
degree. But this I know, he and I are cousins seven times removed." My
impatience to know the good office he had done me, got the better of my
temper, and I interrupted him at this place with the exclamation, "If
the schoolmaster or you can be of