y other reflection, My first care
was to hire a lodging, in which I kept myself very retired, assumed a
feigned name, that my character and situation might be better concealed.
It was not long before I found out the house of my lover, whither I
immediately repaired in a transport of rage, determined to act some
desperate deed for the satisfaction of my despair, though the hurry of
my spirits would not permit me to concert or resolve upon a particular
plan. When I demanded admission to Lothario (so let me call him), I was
desired to send up my name and business; but this I refused, telling
the porter I had business for his master's private ear; upon which I
was conducted into a parlour until he should be informed of my request.
There I remained about a quarter of an hour, when a servant entered and
told me his master was engaged with company, and begged to be excused
at that time. My temper could hold out no longer. I pulled out a poniard
from my bosom, where I had concealed it, and rushing out flew up stairs
like a fury, exclaiming, "Where's this perfidious villain? could I
plunge this dagger into his false heart, I should then die satisfied!"
The noise I made alarmed not only the servants, but the company also,
who hearing my threats came forward to the staircase to see was the
matter. I was seized, disarmed, and withheld by two footmen; and in
this situation felt the most exquisite torture in beholding my undoer
approach with his young wife. I could not endure the sight, was deprived
of my senses, and fell into a severe fit, during which I know not how I
was treated; but when I recovered the use of reflection, found myself on
a bed in a paltry apartment, where I was attended by an old woman, who
asked a thousand impertinent questions relating to my condition,
and informed me that my behaviour had thrown the whole family into
confusion; that Lothario affirmed I was mad, and proposed to have me
sent to Bedlam; but my lady persuaded herself there was more in my
conduct than he cared should be known, and had taken to her bed on bare
suspicion, having first ordered that I should be narrowly looked to.
I heard all she said without making any other reply than desiring she
would do me the favour to call a chair; but this she told me could
not be done without her master's consent, which, however, was easily
procured, and I was conveyed to my lodgings in a state of mind that
baffles all description. The agitation of my thoughts p