D--n the vagabonds!" said he, in so clear a tone that I positively
started at the change, "D--n the vagabonds! they not only knocked in the
roof of my mouth, but took the trouble to cut off at least seven-eighths
of my tongue. There isn't Bonfanti's equal, however, in America, for
really good articles of this description. I can recommend you to him
with confidence," [here the General bowed,] "and assure you that I have
the greatest pleasure in so doing."

I acknowledged his kindness in my best manner, and took leave of him at
once, with a perfect understanding of the true state of affairs--with a
full comprehension of the mystery which had troubled me so long. It was
evident. It was a clear case. Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C.
Smith was the man--was _the man that was used up_.

THE BUSINESS MAN

Method is the soul of business.--OLD SAYING.

I AM a business man. I am a methodical man. Method is the thing, after
all. But there are no people I more heartily despise than your eccentric
fools who prate about method without understanding it; attending
strictly to its letter, and violating its spirit. These fellows are
always doing the most out-of-the-way things in what they call an
orderly manner. Now here, I conceive, is a positive paradox. True method
appertains to the ordinary and the obvious alone, and cannot be applied
to the outre. What definite idea can a body attach to such expressions
as "methodical Jack o' Dandy," or "a systematical Will o' the Wisp"?

My notions upon this head might not have been so clear as they are, but
for a fortunate accident which happened to me when I was a very little
boy. A good-hearted old Irish nurse (whom I shall not forget in my will)
took me up one day by the heels, when I was making more noise than was
necessary, and swinging me round two or knocked my head into a cocked
hat against the bedpost. This, I say, decided my fate, and made my
fortune. A bump arose at once on my sinciput, and turned out to be as
pretty an organ of order as one shall see on a summer's day. Hence
that positive appetite for system and regularity which has made me the
distinguished man of business that I am.

If there is any thing on earth I hate, it is a genius. Your geniuses
are all arrant asses--the greater the genius the greater the ass--and to
this rule there is no exception whatever. Especially, you cannot make
a man of business out of a genius, any more than money out of a Jew, or