get in."

Imagine paying club dues in my present condition! Yet to belong to the
Amsterdam has been one of my ambitions. I had to get out of it, and
said, in an offhand way: "Ah, thanks, Morton, but you may as well
take my name off the list. I'm thinking of living out of town."

So I am--I think of occupying six feet of real estate in the country,
if something doesn't happen soon. Morton always irritates me. He is
one of those prosperous, fortunate creatures, always so completely
_the thing_, that I feel hopelessly my own deficiencies.

_January 15th._--Something _has_ happened. I have an idea. It strikes
me as strange, yet feasible. When I came in this afternoon I found a
letter lying on my table. I opened it; it ran as follows:

"NEW YORK, January 14, 188-.

"Families who are about to give receptions, dinner parties,
or other entertainments will be gratified to know that
persons who will assist in making these events pleasant and
enjoyable can be obtained through the medium of the Globe
Employment Bureau. These persons will not be professionals,
but parties of culture and refinement, who will appear well,
dress elegantly, and mingle with the guests, while able and
willing to play, sing, converse fluently, tell a good story,
give a recitation, or anything that will help to make an
evening pass pleasantly.

"The Globe Employment Bureau in this plan simply complies
with the increasing demands of a large class of its patrons.
The attendance of these persons, young or old, can be had
for the sum of fifteen dollars per evening each. We will
guarantee them to be strictly honorable and reliable
persons. Respectfully yours,

"THE GLOBE EMPLOYMENT BUREAU."

The idea amused me. I moralized on it as a phase of New York society;
wondered what sort of people would employ these individuals; wondered
what the individuals would feel like themselves; smiled grimly at the
inference that I could go to the expense of fifteen dollars to procure
the services of one of the persons. While I stood with the letter in
my hand, a thought flashed into my mind. It widened and developed,
until now it possesses my whole being. I can't hire a Globe young man,
but anything is better than starvation: I will _be_ a Globe young man!

_January 18th._--It is all settled, and I am in the service of the New
York Globe. A