e
quiet time, and they went. There is nothing Pa likes better than to go
out on a farm, and pretend he knows everything. When the farmer got Pa
and Ma out there he set them to work, and Ma shelled peas while Pa went
to dig potatoes for dinner. I think it was mean for the deacon to send
Pa out in the corn field to dig potatoes, and set the dog on Pa, and
tree him in an apple tree near the bee hives, and then go and visit
with Ma and leave Pa in the tree with the dog barking at him. Pa said
he never knew how mean a deacon could be, until he had sat on a limb of
that apple tree all the afternoon. About time to do chores the farmer
came and found Pa, and called the dog off, and Pa came down, and then
the farmer played the meanest trick of all. He said city people didn't
know how to milk cows, and Pa said he wished he had as many dollars
as he knew how to milk cows. He said his spechulty was milking kicking
cows, and the farmer gave Pa a tin pail and a milking stool and let down
the bars, and pointed out to Pa 'the worst cow on the place.' Pa knew
his reputation was at stake, and he went up to the cow and punched it in
the flank and said, "hist, confound you." Well, the cow wasn't a histing
cow, but a histing bull, and Pa knew it was a bull as quick as he see
it put down its head and beller, and Pa dropped the pail and stool and
started for the bars, and the bull after Pa. I don't think it was right
in Ma to bet two shillings with the farmer that Pa would get to the bars
before the bull did, though she won the bet. Pa said he knew it was a
bull just as soon as the horns got tangled up in his coat tail, and when
he struck on the other side of the bars, and his nose hit the ash barrel
where they make lye for soap, Pa said he saw more fireworks than we did
at the Soldier's Home, Pa wouldn't celebrate any more, and he came home,
after thanking the farmer for his courtesies, but he wants me to borrow
a gun and go out with him hunting. We are going to shoot a bull and a
dog, and some bees, may be we will shoot the farmer, if Pa keeps on as
mad as he is now. Well, we won't have another 4th of July for a year,
and may be by that time my girl's polonaise and hair will grow out, and
that bull may become gentle, so Pa can milk it. Ta-ta."

CHAPTER XXI.

WORKING OK SUNDAY--TURNING A GRINDSTONE IS HEALTHY--"NOT ANY
GRINDSTONE FOR HENNERY!"--THIS HYPOCRISY IS PLAYED OUT--
ANOTHER JOB ON THE OLD MAN--HOW THE DAYS OF T