re sure of that. Pray what have they done for these twenty years last
past?--Why, nothing at all; they have only made a few turnpike roads,
and kept the partridges alive till September; that's all they have done,
for the good of their country. There were some great people formerly,
that lov'd their country, that did every thing for the good of their
country; there were your Alexander the Great--he lov'd his country,
and Julius Caesar lov'd his country, and Charles of Sweedland lov'd his
country, and Queen Semiramis, she lov'd her country more than any of
'em, for she invented solomon-gundy; that's the best eating in the whole
world. Now I'll shew you my plan of operations, Mr. Costive.--We'll
suppose this drop of punch here to be the main ocean, or the sea; very
well. These pieces of cork to be our men of war; very well. Now where
shall I raise my fortifications? I wish I had Mr. Major {95}Moncrieff
here; he's the best in the world at raising a fortification. Oh! I
have it. [_Breaks the pipes._] We'll suppose them to be all the strong
fortified places in the whole world; such as Fort Omoa, Tilbury Fort,
Bergen op Zoom, and Tower Ditch, and all the other fortified places all
over the world. Now I'd have all our horse-cavalry wear cork waistcoats,
and all our foot-infantry should wear air jackets. Then, sir, they'd
cross the sea before you could say Jack Robinson. And where
do you think they should land, Mr. Costive? whisper me that.
Ha!--What?--When?--How?--You don't know.--How should you!--Was you ever
in Germany or Bohemia?--Now, I have; I understands jography. Now they
should land in America, under the line, close to the south pole; there
they should land every mother's babe of 'em. Then there's the Catabaws,
and there's the Catawaws; there's the Cherokees, and there's the ruffs
and rees; they are the four great nations. Then I takes my Catabaws all
across the continent, from Jamaica to Bengal; then they should go to
the Mediterranean. You know where the Mediterranean is?--No, you
know nothing; I'll tell you; the Mediterranean is the metropolis of
Constantinople. Then I'd send a fleet to blockade {96}Paris till the
French king had given up Paul Jones; then I'd send for General
Clinton and Colonel Tarleton; and--Where was I, Mr. Costive; with
Tarleton;--Thank ye--so I was; but you are so dull, Mr Costive, you put
me out. Now I'll explain the whole affair to you; you shan't miss a word
of it. Now there is the king of Prus