on splashing and
spluttering like that?

_Mr. T.'s Voice_ (_from beneath a towel._) That dozen of Champagne Uncle
GABRIEL sent has run lower than I thought--only two bottles and a pint
left. And he can't drink that _Saumur_.

_Mrs. T._ Two bottles and a half ought to be ample, if SEAKALE manages
properly--among twelve.

_Mr. T.'s V._ Twelve, my love? you mean _fourteen_!

_Mrs. T._ I mean nothing of the sort. Mrs. TOOMER'S got influenza
again--luckily, so of course we shall be just twelve.

_Mr. T.'s V._ MARIA, why didn't you tell me that before? Because I say,
look here!----

[_He half opens the door._

_Mrs. T._ I won't have you coming in here all over soap, there's nothing to
get excited about. Twelve's a very convenient number.

_Mr. T.'s V._ Twelve! Yes--but how about that fellow you told me to order
from BLANKLEY'S? He'll be the thirteenth!

_Mrs. T._ MONTAGUE, _don't_ say you went and ordered him, after I expressly
said you were not to mind, and that I would see about it myself! You heard
me call after you from the front door?

_Mr. T.'s V._ I--I understood you to say that I was to mind and see to it
myself; and so I went there the very first thing. The Manager assured me he
would send us a person accustomed to the best society, who would give every
satisfaction. _I_ couldn't be expected to know you had changed your mind!

_Mrs. T._ How _could_ you be so idiotic! We simply can't sit down thirteen.
Uncle will think we did it on purpose to shorten his life, MONTAGUE, do
something--write, and put him off, quick--do you hear?

_Mr. T.'s V._ (_plaintively_). My love, I _can't_ write while I'm like
this--and I've no pen and ink in here, either!

_Jane_ (_outside_). Please, Sir, SEAKALE would like a word with you about
the Sherry you put out--it don't seem to ta--smell quite right to him.

_Mrs. T._ Oh, never mind Sherry _now_. (_She scribbles on a leaf
from her pocket-book._) Here, JANE, tell SEAKALE to run with this to
BLANKLEY'S--quick.... There, MONTAGUE I've written to BLANKLEY'S not to
send the man--they're sure to keep that sort of person on the premises; so,
if SEAKALE gets there before they close, it will be all right.... Oh, don't
worry so.... What? White ties! How should _I_ know where they are? You
should speak to JANE. And do, for goodness sake, make haste! _I'm_ going
down.

_Mr. T._ (_alone_). MARIA! hi.... She's gone--and she never told me what
I'm to do if this confounded fellow tu