A is an Afghan, whose knife bids one quail;
B is a Boer, who made England turn pale;
C is a Chinaman, proud of his tail;
D is a Dutchman, who loves pipe and ale;
E is an Eskimo, packed like a bale;
F is a Frenchman, _a Paris fidele_;
G is a German, he fought tooth and nail;
H is a Highlander, otherwise Gael;
I is an Irishman, just out of gaol;
J is a Jew at a furniture sale;
K is a Kalmuck, not high in the scale;
L is a Lowlander, swallowing kale;
M a Malay, a most murderous male;
N a Norwegian, who dwells near the whale;
O is an Ojibway, brave on the trail;
P is a Pole with a past to bewail;
Q is a Queenslander, sunburnt and hale;
R is a Russian, against whom we rail;
S is a Spaniard, as slow as a snail;
T is a Turk with his wife in a veil;
U a United States' Student at Yale;
V a Venetian in gondola frail;
W Welshman, with coal, slate,--and shale;
X is a Xanthian--or is he too stale?--
Y is a Yorkshireman, bred by the Swale;
Z is a Zulu;--and now letters fail.

* * * * *

THE LATEST PARADOX.--JOHN STRANGE WINTER is taking Summer-y proceedings
against the Coming Crinoline. Henceforth she will be always known as "the
WINTER of our Discontent."

* * * * *

"GOOD BUS."--From the _Times_ money article we learn that PARR'S Banking
Co., Limited, is paying 19 per cent. The price of the shares, therefore,
must be considerably "_above par_." Capital this, for _Ma'_!

* * * * *

[Illustration: SHOCKING TRADE OUTRAGE!

(_Scene from the New and Unpopular Sensation Drama of "The Monopoly-Monster
and the Maid Forlorn."_)

"OH! WHO'LL BRING A RESCUE OR TWO TO THE HELP OF A MUCH-INJURED MAID,
THUS CRUELLY BOUND HAND AND FOOT, AND BY MISCREANTS RUTHLESSLY LAID
ON THE LINES, IN THE PATHWAY OF PERIL? THE MONSTER SNORTS NEARER! BOHOO!
'TIS A MELODRAME-CRISIS OF DANGER!--AND _WHO'LL_ BRING A RESCUE OR TWO?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: SUBACIDITIES.

_Gladys._ "OH, MURIEL DEAR, THAT HEAVENLY FROCK!--I THINK IT LOOKS LOVELIER
EVERY YEAR!"]

* * * * *

THE LAY OF THE (MUSIC-HALL) LAUREATE.

Ah! Who talks of the reversion of the Laurel,
Of your MORRISSES, and SWINBURNES, and that gang?
_I_ could lick them in a canter--that's a moral!
I'm the most prolific bard who ever sang.
Of the moder