* * *

[Illustration: UNCONSCIOUS CONFESSION.

_Old Bachelor_ (_who caters for himself_). "MRS. SMITH, I DIDN'T CARE
FOR THAT LEG OF MUTTON I BOUGHT YESTERDAY. IT HAD A QUEER FLAVOUR!"

_Landlady_. "OH, SIR, IT WAS A BEAUTY! AND SO _DELICIOUSLY TENDER_!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday Night, May 25_.--Members coming back in
slightly increased numbers. HARCOURT returned from his wandering to
and fro. AKERS-DOUGLAS back after his influenza experience; presently
coming up to "tell" in a division, is welcomed by a cheer that rises
as heartily from Opposition Benches as from Ministerial ranks. JACKSON
also back out of the Shadowed Valley; GORST, in his place again,
sprinkles fine pinches of sublimated cayenne pepper upon CRAWFORD and
others who want to know about Manipur.

[Illustration: Back View of a Ruthless Tyrant.]

But though various benches filled up with familiar figures, Members
look round in vain for one; finding it not, will not be comforted.
Where is OLD MORALITY? Last time he was seen was on the Thursday
preceding the holidays. He had come back newly elected for the Strand;
took part in business of sitting; just before dinner Members had
watched his lithe figure disappearing towards the doorway, and he had
been seen no more. House had met again on the following night; had
adjourned for the truncated holiday; had met again; and still OLD
MORALITY's seat was vacant, and there dwelt in the fond memory only
that parting back view.

JOKIM occupying, but not filling, OLD MORALITY's seat, wanted to talk
about various things; but ever the conversation came back to the theme
that filled all thoughts. HARCOURT wanted to know about fixing the day
for debate on Manipur; HENRY FOWLER hankered after an understanding
about the Factory and Workshops Bill. Everybody but JEMMY LOWTHER
wanted to know about the Education Bill; TIM HEALY was curious to
learn what course would be taken with respect to DE COBAIN. The answer
was ever the same. "The House," said JOKIM, nervously rubbing his
hands, "must await the return of my Right Hon. friend, which we expect
will be celebrated on Wednesday."

"Well," said HARCOURT, in one of his stage asides, "this is a
revelation indeed. Always thought OLD MORALITY was an easy-going
gentleman, deferential in manner, unassertive in action. It seems he's
a regular tyra