ling himself
Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
bottle-bruising ragamuffins.

In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
wind given by AEolus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
admirable trumpeter.

As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
lobster.

I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
accoutred cap-a-pie--booted to the middle--sashed to the chin--collared to
the ears--whiskered to the teeth--crowned with an overshadowing cocked
hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
strutted about, as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
says the ballad?

"Had you but seen him in this dress,
How fierce he looked and how big,
You would have thought him for to be
Some Egyptian porcupig.
He frighted all--cats, dogs, and all,
Each cow, each horse, and each hog;
For fear did flee, for they took him to be
Some strange outlandish hedgehog."[46]

I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
not exac