tifying act of his mother in fainting when he
read her the poetry he had written at her request. That, in itself, was
enough to break all ties between them. She was horrified and overwhelmed
with dismay that a child of hers could be guilty of such atrocious
rhymes; and he, in turn, was disgusted that a mother of his should be so
unappreciative and earthly. And so, by mutual consent, they separated.

That accounts for his bachelor habit of laying his bread and cheese on
the shelf that he might have it handy, and not forget where he had
placed it. But as

"The rats and mice made such a strife,"

he found that would never do. Something else must be thought of; and
being an inventive genius, he tried putting it in his trunk, but it
scented his Sunday jacket and trousers, and the girls all turned up
their noses at the odd perfume. So, driven to extremity, he in an evil
hour decided, as many another has since done, that the remedy for his
ills was matrimony, and that it was not well for man to live alone.

A Prophet is without honor in his own country, and so ofttimes is a
Poet. To his bashful supplication of "Wilt thou?" the young maidens if
his village unhesitatingly refused to wilt, and thus it was that
circumstances forced him

"To go to London to buy himself a wife."

How fortunate that he should give us, inadvertently as it were, the
information so necessary to the unlucky young men of this later day, the
best place to go shopping for wives! No man after reading the above need
say "he doesn't marry because he cannot, as no one will have him." He
need not stop for that hereafter, but just go to London, pick out one to
suit, pay the price, and bag the article. It can all be done in a day,
and save time wonderfully.

He bought his wife--a cheap one undoubtedly--and gave his promise to
pay; then started homeward, feeling his importance as a married man, and
chuckling over the idea of the astonishment and dismay of the rats and
mice when he should set his wife after them, and thereby deprive them of
their daily rations. But while musing thus, he discovers his wile shows
signs of fatigue, as

"The roads were bad, and the lanes were narrow,"

and not wishing to have her exhausted before commencing business, he
gallantly determined to give her a ride, well knowing she would need all
her strength for the battle he intended she should win.

So borrowing a wheelbarrow of a trusting neighbor, he seated her
t