r a cabinet offiser.

If he tries to jump over parental authority, fill him with shot, same as
_your_ man did his jumpin frog, only pour it into him with a mustick.

If you've got any regard for our nashnal caracter, don't let your son
rite comic copy for the noosepapers, after which, be so rash as to rite
a book, and have English crickets set up their darn singin, when they
catch your little _innocent abroad_.

JOHN BULL don't tickle easy, remember that. I actually believe you
couldent stir him with a hul bag full of laffin gas.

As your boy has entered the Lecture field, I shouldent be surprised if
he got up quite a _breeze_ on the roast-rum. In fact, when he opens his
mouth before an audience, look out for _squalls_.

When your offspring is big enuff to enjoy chastisin, remember the "good
little boy," and examine your son's garments to see if the lad has been
roostin onto any nitro-gleserine cans, lest the parental hand, when
brought in contact with the youth's _habeas corpus_, mite necessitate the
sweepin up of father and son's scattered remnants.

Let your son reed the works on good morril men's lives.

By the time he gets old enuff to read, I will have my life out in
pamphlet form, and you can draw onto me for a copy. Beware of works of
fiction. Don't let your boy have a great deal to do with such readin as
HOYLE on Games, TOM PAINE on Infidelity, nor HORRIS GREELY on farmin.
Such works are bringin more ruin onto the country, than the numerous
jewrys of twelve talented men, who allow murderers to come the loonatic
dodge over 'em.

I don't believe in spoilin the rod and sparin the child, but I think it
is well enuff to keep a rod hung up in the barn, where your child can
occasionally look at it, to see what he will come to, if he undertakes
to kick over the traces.

Children are a good deal like wimmen. If you don't set _your_ foot down
when you first get married your wimmen will raise _their_ foot up, and
afore you realize any pain, your gentle form will be histed out into the
street.

With boys you must begin talkin _turkey_, when they are young _goblins_,
ef you don't, when they get old enuff, they will "strike for their
sires," and _gobble_ up the old man's scalp.

Teach your son to honor his pa and ma, and decline the English mission,
when it comes his turn.

Between you and I, aspirants for the honor of bordin with St. JIMMY are
on the _decline_, Pitty it haint a gin-cocktail. I shouldent be
su